Let's talk about why we're doomed, America!
How did Donald Trump do it, and why didn't any of the conventional political experts see it coming?
The news can seem like this is all an elaborate prank being played by a billionaire for his reality show.
'Pope reacts as a normal human being to a minor incident with the Mexican crowd. Bigots wet their pants.'
We must say that the title 'God Melted Some Nazi Faces In Front Of Me' simply doesn't fit our journal's aesthetic.
Today's news is like a less plausible version of the wacky fake headlines from 1980s movies set in the future.
'Republicans honor Scalia's devotion to the Constitution by ignoring it to delay successor's appointment.'
I have a feeling this won't be a popular column. Don't ask me why. Just a feeling, I suppose.
Just because it's no longer socially acceptable doesn't mean people don't still harbor some subconscious racist beliefs.
The news is like 'The Walking Dead,' only without that show's sense of naive optimism.
'Martin Shkreli is an even smugger asshole than previously thought'
The Dark Ages earned that name at least in part because there's a noticeable lack of contemporary records, a trait eerily similar to our country today.
Well, maybe Steve Harvey's gaff was some sort of karmic retribution in the end.
The news is like an alarm that sounds 24 hours a day, alternately screaming that you're going to die and that you need to ask your doctor about erectile dysfunction pills.