Sure Weirdly Coincidental Putin Critics Keep Getting Poisoned
It has been reported today that a Russian activist and critic of Vladamir Putin, Alexei Navalny is in intensive care after an apparent poisoning. But maybe it wasn't poisoning. Who knows? The incident occurred after Navalny drank tea in the morning and started feeling ill on the plane returning to Moscow, so maybe it was just air sickness? Who among us hasn't gotten a headache so bad from flying that we've ended up comatose in the hospital by the end of the flight? That's why you have to remember to plug your ears, folks!
Whatever the cause of the illness, it sure is a lucky break for Putin. I mean, I'm sure he's quite shaken up by this very disturbing and mysterious sickness, (bad tea perhaps? Gotta get it fresh!) but, at the same time, Navalny once called Putin's political party a "party of crooks and thieves" and has organized multiple protests against corruption within that party. In fact, in 2012, The Wallstreet Journal referred to Navalny as "the man Vladimir Putin fears most," so it sure is nice for Putin to finally have some respite from this mean, old bully.
Putin's had a lot of luck like this over the years. For example, Alexander Litvinenko was a former officer of the Russian Federal Security service who published a book claiming Putin's rise to power as a coup d'état orchestrated by his former agency. Litvinenko also got sick from bad tea, ultimately dying from it. His barista must have accidentally added a bit too much polonium-210.
Then there was former Russian military officer, Sergei Skripal. He was found to be a double agent for the UK's intelligence services, so he and his daughter were poisoned with a Novichok nerve agent. Fortunately, both survived the attack, but the Kremlin denied any involvement, so Skripal's attacker is still shrouded in mystery.
There are many more strange poisonings surrounding critics of Putin for some unknown reason. In fact, this isn't even the first time Navalny has fallen ill for enigmatic reasons. Last year he had an "allergic reaction" to some foreign chemical substances that landed him in the hospital. This was particularly odd because Navalny was in the middle of serving a 30-day prison sentence for attending an anti-government protest in Moscow. How does this guy end up with so many mysterious illnesses, I wonder? It's like he's a walking episode of House!
Regardless, we wish Navalny the best of luck in his recovery, and we're sure Vladamir Putin does as well. If you have any other possible theories as to how Navalny or any of these other critics of Putin keep ending up sick, then let us know. We're bound to crack this case eventually! In the meantime, maybe people should consider switching to coffee.
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Top Image: Kremlin/Wiki Commons