Small business ownership is not without its perils, but not many people consider shilling lemonade to be the type of job that could end with a revolver pointed at your head. Tell that to the two 13-year-old boys, Jude and Tristan, that got robbed at gunpoint after setting up a lemonade stand in Peoria, Illinois. The burglar is still at large, having made off with the boy's cash box, which contained around $30. Thankfully, the boys were alright, and reportedly have recouped their losses at least 100-fold as the community has raised over $3,500 through Facebook fundraisers and PayPal donations.
Now, there are a lot of things you can take away from this story, most of which is to wonder when are they going to make the Ocean's 11 sequel that recounts this epic heist? But it's also worth noting that this isn't the first time people have faced hazards when running a lemonade stand, and we're not just talking about being accosted by Larry David.
This isn't the lone lemonade stand robbery. A nine-year-old boy was robbed at gunpoint over his lemonade stand money in 2018. Five years ago, a guy robbed two teen girls of their lemonade profits and then toppled their stand just to further be an asshole. There are plenty of other armed conflict stories, but the more likely threat to lemonade stand ownership is people taking a page from Larry David's book and threatening to call the police. Here's one such account:
R.Kelly isn't the only adult looking to piss all over your child's dreams. Owning and operating a lemonade stand is illegal in 35 states in America, and government officials and disgruntled adults have no problem shutting these law-breaking startups down. For example, last year, a seven-year-old boy had his business shuttered for operating too close to a state fair, despite it being run from the boy's front porch. The boy sold his lemonade for 75 cents a glass, a business strategy that severely undercut the fair vendors charging $7 per cup. Unless that shit comes with a free copy of Beyonce's Lemonade, that is an insane markup.
We might have found this to be a horrible overreach by the government a year ago, but after last week's events, you have to wonder that if the feds didn't shut this kid's stand down, if the fair vendors would have taken justice into their own hands like a turf war in Breaking Bad.
The moral of the story here is simple: Nothing is safe, the world has gone to shit, and if some kid wants to sell a combination of lemon juice, sugar, and water on the street, then they better keep a Louisville slugger under the table for protection.
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Top Image: ErikaWittlieb/Pixabay