Yeah, that's not how you were picturing him, was it?
Constanzo was a warlock for hire, selling his spells and clairvoyance abilities to drug dealers and law enforcement officials alike in Mexico. He stewed human brains, blood, bones, and guts in his cauldron alongside scorpions, spiders, and other witchcrafty totems to create spells to make his clients invisible to police detection and invulnerable to gunfire.
Biography.comYou take some arachnids, throw them in a pot, add some water and a brain -- baby, you got a potion goin'!
Even the drug dealers were afraid of Constanzo -- when one cartel refused to make him a full partner after they'd enjoyed so much success with his spells, seven of their members mysteriously disappeared, turning up several days later floating in a river with fingers, ears, hearts, brains, and freaking spines removed, like they'd been attacked by the goddamned Predator. Constanzo had a handful of other rival drug traffickers fed to his cauldron and even had a member of his own cult hacked into dark wizard porridge to set an example for the rest of the team (the example being "We should probably find other jobs").
The heat didn't really come down on Constanzo until his group kidnapped and mutilated an American college student, at which point the U.S. government put intense pressure on Mexican officials to solve the crime. Police followed a member of Constanzo's cult to his terrifying ritualistic murder ranch after the man blew through a checkpoint, and they found remains of 15 people buried along the property. The missing student's brain was discovered floating in a potion in Constanzo's cauldron, presumably waiting to be graded by Professor Snape.
F. Presentation counts, Adolfo.
Constanzo's gang was hunted down and arrested, and Constanzo himself was finally cornered in an apartment surrounded by 180 police officers, because magic probably isn't real, but we aren't taking any fucking chances. Rather than allow himself to be captured, Constanzo instructed one of his henchmen to shoot him. The police discovered the evil wizard's body riddled with bullets, because apparently that henchman wasn't taking any chances either.
E. Reid Ross is a columnist at Man Cave Daily and mangles comics with friends at RealToyGun.com. Ross is also the proud father of a brand new baby Twitter account that you can coo at here.
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