Cracked Archive - News

Cops Respond To Cries Of Help... That Came From A Parrot
Cops Respond To Cries Of Help... That Came From A Parrot

It's a sad statement on the failures of our institutions that the police did not take this parrot's cries for help seriously.

16
Protesters And Pokemon Go Players Arrested In Russia
Protesters And Pokemon Go Players Arrested In Russia

The Russian government's track record on protests is not great.

15
What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/12/2017)
What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/12/2017)

McDonalds has finally released an app to let me know the precise times when their ice cream machines are working.

65
Tiffany's Offers A $1,000 Tin Can. Good Job, Rich People.
Tiffany's Offers A $1,000 Tin Can. Good Job, Rich People.

Okay, rich people. What's your deal?

39
Do We Need A LOTR Show With Half The Characters?
Do We Need A LOTR Show With Half The Characters?

A 'Lord Of The Rings' TV series is a pretty bad idea.

0
Edible Glitter Coffee Is Happening. Don't Get Mad.
Edible Glitter Coffee Is Happening. Don't Get Mad.

You know what? After the 'Rick and Morty' Szechuan sauce debacle, I don't want to hear a single complaint about glitter coffee.

17
No, Trump Did Not Overfeed Koi Fish During His Trip To Japan
No, Trump Did Not Overfeed Koi Fish During His Trip To Japan

No, trump didn't overfeed a bunch of Koi fish on his trip to Japan. But there were still a few prize turd comments coming out of that trip.

39
What's Good OR BAD For You Now? (11-09-17)
What's Good OR BAD For You Now? (11-09-17)

Every week it's reported that something is good ... or REALLY bad for you.

123
The Unicode Consortium Is Deciding The Fate Of The Poo Emoji
The Unicode Consortium Is Deciding The Fate Of The Poo Emoji

I knew they existed. I told my friends, my family, everyone. They told me I was being 'paranoid.'

0
Rick Perry's Fossil Fuel Comments Are Dumber In Context
Rick Perry's Fossil Fuel Comments Are Dumber In Context

We can't assume that the mere presence of light would stop sexual assault.

0
The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/7/17)
The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/7/17)

The news just doesn’t get any better than this. Which is kind of depressing when you think about it.

655
Russian Trolls Used Satan Arm Wrestling Jesus As Propaganda
Russian Trolls Used Satan Arm Wrestling Jesus As Propaganda

If you asked me to trade in the sanctity of our democracy to see Jesus arm-wrestle Satan, I would.

0