Cracked Archive - News

Edible Glitter Coffee Is Happening. Don't Get Mad.

You know what? After the 'Rick and Morty' Szechuan sauce debacle, I don't want to hear a single complaint about glitter coffee.


No, Trump Did Not Overfeed Koi Fish During His Trip To Japan

No, trump didn't overfeed a bunch of Koi fish on his trip to Japan. But there were still a few prize turd comments coming out of that trip.


What's Good OR BAD For You Now? (11-09-17)

Every week it's reported that something is good ... or REALLY bad for you.


The Unicode Consortium Is Deciding The Fate Of The Poo Emoji

I knew they existed. I told my friends, my family, everyone. They told me I was being 'paranoid.'


Rick Perry's Fossil Fuel Comments Are Dumber In Context

We can't assume that the mere presence of light would stop sexual assault.


The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/7/17)

The news just doesn’t get any better than this. Which is kind of depressing when you think about it.


Russian Trolls Used Satan Arm Wrestling Jesus As Propaganda

If you asked me to trade in the sanctity of our democracy to see Jesus arm-wrestle Satan, I would.


The Reason Harvey Weinstein Is Just The Beginning

Why did this suddenly become the month we exposed an industry so fraught with scandal that Variety now reads like a newspaper crime section?


What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (11/04/2017)

A child getting small amounts of candy handouts from all of her neighbors is like the definition of socialism.


Osama Bin Laden Had Anime And Disney On His Computer

Truly, a terrifying look into the mind of a cold blooded killer.


NFL Protests Aren't Responsible For Papa John's Bad Sales

If your business can be crippled by black people protesting injustice, you probably aren't running a great business.


Judge Rules That Asking For A 'Lawyer Dog' Is Too Confusing

I can't imagine how these officers and judges function in real life, with all the 'ambiguous' slang out there.