After a shocking year filled with racism controversies, the removal of longtime host, man-eagle Chris Harrison, and the absolutely unexpected split of former contestants, Clare and Dale, who became engaged after two long weeks of dating, The Bachelor has found itself embroiled in scandal, shaking up the once seemingly ironclad franchise. Yet amid these turbulent times, it seems that ABC has decided to start fresh in exploring a new direction for the long-running and ever-dramatic reality series, evidently drawing inspiration from the world's most glamorous and upscale dating programs – namely, the painfully-2000s dumpster fire that was MTV's Next.

In branding and promoting the upcoming season of the Bachelorette, led by vibrator enthusiast and spokeswoman for “she deserves better,” Katie Thurston …

… the franchise shared a series of photos depicting each of the reality star's suitors, emblazoned with a variety of absurd "fun facts" surrounding each contestant. From Tre, who loves harmonicas, but hates piranhas (#relatable) …

 … to Christian, who probably sported a fauxhawk to a parade – most likely My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade considering his hairstyle of choice …

… to Karl, who apparently enjoys celebrating existential dread and a good hangover … 

… to a Justin Bieber fanboy …

… and even a man that is *checks notes* literally just a box …

… amid these promo images, several eagle-eyed fans noticed what may easily be a strange allusion to the mid-2000s television staple, pointing out the similarities between the campaign and Next's disgustingly cursed contestant summaries. 

Now, for those of you well-adjusted adults who didn't spend your formative years secretly binging the sleaziest reality shows the 2000's had to offer, Next was an absolutely unhinged MTV dating series defined by on-site rejection, brash insults towards literally everyone who appeared onscreen, and some of the most aggressive pick-up lines in all of television history – “I'll win because I worked for Hooters and now my Hooters work for me." Featuring an often chunky-highlight clad bachelor or bachelorette speed-dating their way through a bus full of hopeful contestants looking to get in their pa-- find love, the starring single wielded the power to send their current suitor back to the vehicle with a single word –  “next." Airing between 2005 and 2008, Next has become the ultimate relic of trashy aughts reality programs. Yet even more infamous than its savage breakup insults – “I've taken craps that are less boring than that girl” – and apparent influence in creating one of TV's most family-friendly and critically acclaimed programs – namely Brett Michaels's tour bus-centric dating show, Rock of Love Bus -- was the series' gloriously disgusting contestant profiles. 

Featuring a teen who apparently took American Pie a little too literally … 

… a guy who truly understands the meaning of “desperate times call for desperate measures …”

… a girl who definitely knows how to keep it chill

… the sworn enemy to grandmas everywhere …

… and an onslaught of young adults …

… who revel in sharing every last detail  …

… about their bowel movements …

Next's contestant descriptions were iconically vile, shocking viewers everywhere. While the Bachelorette's introductions aren't nearly as visceral – after all, ABC is owned by Disney, the media company that allegedly cancelled the Lizzie McGuire reboot because they couldn't fathom the notion of a 30-year-old woman having sex – the similarities are ever apparent, a subtle, albeit painfully clear dog-whistle to purveyors of 2000s nostalgia. So ABC, please just go all in next time, we could all use a little more of Next-level insanity in these trying times.

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.

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