Kim Jong-un Reportedly Bans Skinny Jeans in North Korea, Delighting Zoomers Everywhere
Move over, Zoomers: It seems another prominent soldier has joined the generation-splitting crusade against skinny jeans, and this time, he's got an arsenal of nukes to back him up -- none other than North Korea's Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un. Following the publication of an article in Rodong Sinmum, the nation's state-run newspaper, earlier this month discussing the threat of young people embracing the "exotic and decadent lifestyle" of capitalism, the government reportedly issued a ban on several Western styles, including piercings, branded T-shirts, and of course, skinny jeans.
In a self-described “war on capitalism," according to Newsweek, officials have allegedly prohibited several “non-socialist” hairstyles, including dyed hair, spikes, and mullets (sorry, Billy Ray Cyrus) allowing only 15 “proper” looks, per documents from the nation's ‘fashion police,’ the Socialist Patriotic Youth League, seen by South Korean media outlet, Yonhap News Agency.
"History teaches us a crucial lesson that a country can become vulnerable and eventually collapse like a damp wall regardless of its economic and defense power if we do not hold on to our own lifestyle," read the aforementioned Rodong Sinmum piece. “We must be wary of even the slightest sign of the capitalistic lifestyle and fight to get rid of them,” the article continued, arguing that “the invasion of capitalistic lifestyle" led to the downfall of several socialist regimes around the globe.
So folks, next time you take a trip to Pyongyang, remember to leave your skinny jeans at home – unless you aspire to look absolutely ancient in the eyes of TikTok-ing teens and spend your vacation in a North Korean prison camp.