Cracked Archive - News
Banning Abortion Will Finally Allow The Antichrist To Rise To Power
All will be as the Good Word predicted, and as it should!
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- By Eli Yudin
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71
71 Bots Are Ruining Your Google Results (Best Coffeemaker For 2022!)
Looking for the best coffeemaker of 2022? Look no further!
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 4
A City In Kansas Just Made Roommates Illegal
And not for leaving oatmeal out for a week.
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 4
Oh Great, Some Guy Has Bird Flu Now
I do not remember asking, "Hey, could anything else kill me soon?"
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 9
Village Idiot Of The Week: Woman Falls Into Outhouse Trying To Retrieve Phone
Even worse, this implies that she's still using that phone.
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 2
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One Fifth Of All Reptiles Are In Danger Of Extinction, Oops
I'm sorry Mr. Sea Turtle! I just like the way bottled water tastes!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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14 Percent Of College Students Are Learning Economics Through Homelessness
Wait, you didn't spend the best years of your life living in your car?
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 17
South Carolina Brings Back Firing Squads, Remembers They're Horrific
Oh, wait, we actually have to... shoot this guy in front of witnesses?
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 31
5 Actual Critical Race Theory Math Problems For Florida To Ban
Here you go! Ban your nasty little hearts out!
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 42
Drunk Airplane Idiot Gets Punched By Mike Tyson
You could not be messing with the wronger guy.
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 13
Eric Adams Wants Metal Detectors In The NYC Subway, Good Luck With That
Hello? Metal detector store? Yeah, I'm looking for like... 1500 metal detectors I'm going to have to turn off in a week.
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 13
Alex Jones Is Filing For Bankruptcy: We Love To See It
This news... this news fills me with a deep satisfaction.
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- By Eli Yudin
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- 28
Ukraine May Have Sunk A Russian Ship Carrying A Piece Of Jesus' Cross
This is also, coincidentally, the plot of the next Uncharted game.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Elon Musk Is Trying To Buy Twitter Because He Sucks At It
You can't own me if I already own you!
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- By Eli Yudin
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New York Citizens Like Zack Did What The NYPD Couldn’t
Broken cameras and radios set to the wrong frequency didn't protect us.
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- By Eli Yudin
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