25 News Stories In Brief That Really Fueled Our Fires

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25 News Stories In Brief That Really Fueled Our Fires

Is this the end of this year's Alaskan snow crab season? It looks like it, as estimates show that roughly one billion crabs have disappeared, leading officials to investigate and cancel the season. This is a staggering ninety percent drop in their population in just two years. In other news, a pastor has been placed on administrative leave after giving out “I <3 Hot Youth Pastors” stickers. Cory Wall, 35-year-old man of God (allegedly), handed them out at his church with a note admitting he was poking fun at what he called the “I Love Hot Mom” culture. Which sounds 10000% credible. Finally, OnlyFans lawyers accidentally revealed which Meta execs allegedly took bribes to act in certain users' interests, by filing a court document that failed to redact names connected to the alleged global conspiracy inside Meta. Anyway, the allegation that this failure to redact was accidental sounds just as credible as the pastor's one. 

Bakery's 'Star Wars' inspired 'Pan Solo' sculpture goes viral

A CA bakery entered a bread sculpture of a frozen Han Solo to a local scarecrow contest. CRACKED.COM The creation, dubbed Pan Solo, is One House Bak- ery's entry in Benicia's 15th annual Scarecrow Contest. The owners say they see people, like, smelling the sculpture and poking it.

UPI / YouTube

Wallaby encounters nearly spell disaster at Australian Motorcycle Grand Prix.

A wallaby hopped across the Australian Motorcycle Grand Prix track as vehicles approached. CRACKED.COM The small mammal suc- cessfully made it to the other side, calling to mind the old Australian joke: Why did the wallaby cross the racetrack? Oi ya right с-  the other side.

UPI / Wikipedia

Influencer begging for donations after saying she 'accidentally' bought a $100,000 couch

An influencer accidentally bought a couch for $100k and is begging for donations. I Wessenger - ل TikTok CRACKED.COM The TikToker took to Tik- Tok to strum up sympathy in a tear-filled diatribe, but after commenters raised doubts about her story she produced a photo of a hole ridden and stained couch as proof.

Yahoo / Wikimedia

Vegan who failed to deal with mouse infestation and fed them instead is fined by court

A vegan is being fined for feeding a mouse infestation instead of getting rid of them. GRACKED.COM Margaret Manzoni, 73, considered the mice her pets and said they would not go to her neighbors because she looked after them.

Sky News / Wikipedia

VTuber Group Apologizes For Using Splatoon 3 to Stream Pornography

Vtubers apologized after using Splatoon 3 to stream pornography. endo EDX GRACKED.COM Vtuber Sinsogumi made porn appear by setting the ink transparency to zero, and then showing a porn video underneath, as part of a competition where whichever side got banned from YouTube first loses.

Kotaku / YouTube

Minks were thought to be impossible to tame. Enter: The "Mink Man".

Man has finally overcome the untamable mink, the wetland's own luxurious weasel. GRACKED.COM Joseph Carter, known ар- propriately as the Mink man, has done what no man be- fore him could do: tame the mink. The Mink Man wept, for there were no other worlds to conquer.

CNN / Wikipedia

Man dubbed 'Edward Scissorhands' cuts trees during middle of night in Fort Worth neighborhood

A man dubbed 'Edward Scissorhands' is going around trimming trees in the middle of the night. CRACKED.COM Several neighbors have caught him on their home surveillance videos, nor- mally out around 3 am, where he gingerly prunes the trees - which may get the homeowners in trouble with their HOA.

CBS / Wikipedia

Iron Man Star Terrence Howard Claimed Robert Downey Jr Owes Him $100M,

Terrence Howard says Robert Downey Jr. owes him $100 million for not being brought back for Iron Man 2. CRACKED.COM Howard said, The con- tracts that we write and sign aren't worth the paper that they're printed on, sometimes. Maybe he used the special math he made up where 1x1=2 to get to that 100M figure.

Fandomwire / Wikipedia

Florida car rental employees find toddler left in returned vehicle

A man in Florida returned a rental car with his granddaughter still locked in the back seat. CRACKED.COM The toddler was left in the back of the Hertz rental car, in an un- shaded airport parking lot, for 45 minutes be- fore Hertz employees found her.

WREG / Unsplash

A YouTuber is trying to claim an expensive Team Fortress 2 weapon as a tax deduction

A YouTuber is trying to claim a Team Fortress 2 weapon as a tax deduction. CRACKED.COM Australian YouTuber el- maxo purchased an in-game weapon for near- ly $500, saying it was a business expense that he could claim as a tax de- duction this year.

Crickey / YouTube

Pastor who gave kids ‘I <3 hot youth pastors’ stickers placed on leave

A pastor was put on administrative leave for giving kids I <3 Hot Youth Pastors stickers. CRACKED.COM 35-year-old groomer and man of God, Cory Wall, ad- mitted he handed them out in an email, claiming he was just trying to poke fun at what he called the I Love Hot Mom culture.

OnlySky / Unsplash

Alaska snow crab season canceled as officials investigate disappearance of an estimated 1 billion crabs

1 billion crabs disappeared and now the Alaskan crab season is canceled. CRACKED.COM An estimated one bil- lion crabs have myste- riously disappeared in two years, state offi- cials said. It marks a 90% drop in their pop- ulation.

CBS / Wikipedia

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