Cracked Archive - News

No, Trump Did Not Overfeed Koi Fish During His Trip To Japan

No, trump didn't overfeed a bunch of Koi fish on his trip to Japan. But there were still a few prize turd comments coming out of that trip.

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What's Good OR BAD For You Now? (11-09-17)

Every week it's reported that something is good ... or REALLY bad for you.

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The Unicode Consortium Is Deciding The Fate Of The Poo Emoji

I knew they existed. I told my friends, my family, everyone. They told me I was being 'paranoid.'

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Rick Perry's Fossil Fuel Comments Are Dumber In Context

We can't assume that the mere presence of light would stop sexual assault.

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The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/7/17)

The news just doesn’t get any better than this. Which is kind of depressing when you think about it.

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Russian Trolls Used Satan Arm Wrestling Jesus As Propaganda

If you asked me to trade in the sanctity of our democracy to see Jesus arm-wrestle Satan, I would.

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The Reason Harvey Weinstein Is Just The Beginning

Why did this suddenly become the month we exposed an industry so fraught with scandal that Variety now reads like a newspaper crime section?

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What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (11/04/2017)

A child getting small amounts of candy handouts from all of her neighbors is like the definition of socialism.

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Osama Bin Laden Had Anime And Disney On His Computer

Truly, a terrifying look into the mind of a cold blooded killer.

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NFL Protests Aren't Responsible For Papa John's Bad Sales

If your business can be crippled by black people protesting injustice, you probably aren't running a great business.

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Judge Rules That Asking For A 'Lawyer Dog' Is Too Confusing

I can't imagine how these officers and judges function in real life, with all the 'ambiguous' slang out there.

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Too Much Black Licorice Is Bad For Your Heart And Your Soul

I'm going to come right out and admit it: I somewhat enjoy black licorice.

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