Cracked Archive - News

Here's Why Bernie Sanders And Elizabeth Warren Are Fighting

Can anti-war candidates go to war? It sure seems like they just did.


The Horny Tortoise Who Saved His Species Is A Fraud

All hail tortoise sex god E5!


5 'Ugh' Trump Stories The News Totally Forgot About

We're so inundated with Trump news that we shrug off scandals that would tank any other president.


Sorry Texas, But No One Needs To Learn Cursive Ever Again

Let's bring back the telegraph while we're at it.


5 Heroic Sacrifices By Real-Life Action Heroes

Get on this, Hollywood.


Medical Marijuana Is Apparently A Joke To Ohio Football Fans

Bad marijuana is not a good solution to bad football.


What The Wienermobile Says About The Modern Economy

You need a degree to drive a hot dog because that's where we're at.


4 Crapsack Things That Are Still Legal In The USA

The year is 2020.


Flight Attendants' Uniforms Are Making Them Sick (Again)

It's apparently hard to make fly-looking clothing that won't make the flight attendants incredibly sick.


5 Pointless And Awful Government Sting Operations

Sometimes to catch a criminal you have to become a criminal yourself.


Michelin Beat A Chef's Lawsuit, And That's A Big Deal

Losing a Michelin star sucks, losing a court case over it is much, much worse.


6 Conspiracy Theories That Had 'Yikes' Real-World Effects

The craziest theories have a disturbing way of spilling over into real life.


4 Viral Stories With The Weirdest Plot Twists

Things get crazy when the spotlight goes out.


Sea Lions Commandeer Ship, Declare War On Mankind

We need YOU to scare off 2,000 pounds of blubber.