John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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15 Wildest Bits Of News Happening In The World

15 Wildest Bits Of News Happening In The World

One day, after God had finished reading a book on how to use social media, Saint Peter, who had been eavesdropping, was in a state of mild panic. He approached God with a question. "God," Saint Peter said nervously as he sat down, "We may be facing a problem. Why, you're supposed to know everything. I've heard that you even once made a living as an insurance adjuster -- and yet you still read mortals' books about social media. How can anyone put their faith in us when you don't even understand something as simple as the Facebook timeline?"

The Lord, not having changed from his fire-and-brimstone Old Testament days, not even in his brief sojourn as an insurance adjuster, grew wrathful with Saint Peter – and, in His fury, sparks of heavenly lightning erupted from His immaculate fingertips. They landed on Earth in fifteen spots, cracking reality in every one, which caused these fifteen events:

Chicken restaurant under fire for long lines.

WEIRD WORLD Long lines forming at an area Chik-fil-A could give it public nuisance status. IE KKIN WORLD The backup of cars in the restaurants' drive-thru have blocked other businesses and stalled city buses in Santa Barbara. The city has given Chik-fil-A 90 days to offer a solution to the problem, that isn't eat les chikin. CRACKED.COM


PA courts sent ten year old summons to residents.

WEIRD WORLD Pennsylvania residents are getting jury summons to cases from ten years ago. York County courts mistakenly reprinted and mailed summonses from as far back as 2012 to residents. Those who received the letters were told there was no need to respond or report for service. CRACKED.COM


Cheating has been taken to a whole new level.

WEIRD WORLD A medical student in India implanted a bluetooth device in their ear to cheat on their final exam. It was his final attempt to clear the exam after repeatedly failing it since getting admission into the college 11 years ago. After questioning by the college officials, one official reportedly said that he had a skin-coloured micro Bluetooth device fixed in his ear by an ENT surgeon. .ED.COM


Head thief on the lamb.

WEIRD WORLD The thief that stole a box of human heads is still at large. A thief who broke into a freight truck in Denver and stole a box labeled Exempt Human Specimen. The specimens, from Science Care, were part of a program for donating bodies to medical research. CRACKED.COM


You can buy Edward Scissorhands’ home - well, not you, but someone with money.

WEIRD WORLD The house from Edward Scissorhands is for sale in Florida. For a nifty sum of $699,900, the Lutz, Florida home made famous by the 1990 Tim Burton film can be yours. The interior has been remodeled to match the appearance in the film, and it even comes with a life size Edward Scissorhands CRACKED.COM mannequin.


A curious penguin breaks out of the zoo and goes for a stroll.

WEIRD WORLD A penguin in Budapest escaped the ZOO and wandered the streets. The extremely curious 6-month old penguin, Sanyika, got out of his outdoor enclosure and wandered out of the zoo in the early hours of the morning. Now returned, zoo officials have installed cameras to thwart any further escape CRACKED.COM attempts.

Budapest Zoo 

World’s longest car is restored, and the dream lives on.

WEIRD WORLD The American Dream isn't a white picket fence and 2.5 kids, it's a 100 foot limo. ANGELRIDE.SE Originally built in 1986 by car customizer Jay Ohrberg, the super limousine known as the American Dream measured just 60 feet. After years in a warehouse, the limo was restored - and had an extra 40 feet added to it. CRACKED.COM


Batman just became a 4D experience.

WEIRD WORLD A live bat was released as a prank during a screening of The Batman. Moviehouse & Eatery by Cinepolis in Texas had to call local animal control after a guest released a bat into the theater. In a video recording of the event, a theater employee told moviegoers to remove themselves if they are uncomfortable being in the dark with a bat..


Some bloodsuckers you just can’t transport.

WEIRD WORLD Endangered leeches were seized on their way to three US states from Bulgaria. U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers, in collaboration with the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, confiscated 300 leeches that were wrongly labeled as Hirudo Orientalis, when they were in fact Hirudo Medicinalis, which are used in medical bloodletting treatments. ZED.COM


A company is paying for poop.

WEIRD WORLD A biotech company in Arizona is paying $1,500 a month for poop. GoodNature, operated by Seres Therapeutics, is asking for donations of poop that can earn donors at least $25 and up to $75 per sample. The poop is being collected to help lead to future developments in gastrointestinal infections and disorders. CRACKED.COM


There is certainly a lot of charm in this house.

WEIRD WORLD A million dollar House of Charm is being sold in Detroit with a toilet throne. You almost miss the high backed, wooden throne, complete with its own candle holder, in the midst of the rest of the peculiarly decorated former home of Edythe Fern Melrose, The Lady of Charm, who pioneered local television CRACKED.COM through the 20th century.

Metro Times 

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