Cracked Archive - News
Are Aliens Leaving Wooden Wieners In The Alps?
Imagine the effort that went into this dong.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 48
The Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/10
The news is like an oncoming train filled with clown cars.
- Authors
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
- Published
- Comments
- 329
A Psychologist Says Early Christmas Music Is Unhealthy
Inappropriate Christmas music is bad for your mental health.
- Authors
- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
- Published
- Comments
- 26
Obama Showed Up For Jury Duty And Was Dismissed (Duh)
Barack Obama was dismissed from jury duty because, no duh.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 45
Cops Respond To Cries Of Help... That Came From A Parrot
It's a sad statement on the failures of our institutions that the police did not take this parrot's cries for help seriously.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 16
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Protesters And Pokemon Go Players Arrested In Russia
The Russian government's track record on protests is not great.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 15
What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/12/2017)
McDonalds has finally released an app to let me know the precise times when their ice cream machines are working.
- Authors
- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
- Published
- Comments
- 65
Tiffany's Offers A $1,000 Tin Can. Good Job, Rich People.
Okay, rich people. What's your deal?
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 39
Edible Glitter Coffee Is Happening. Don't Get Mad.
You know what? After the 'Rick and Morty' Szechuan sauce debacle, I don't want to hear a single complaint about glitter coffee.
- Authors
- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
- Published
- Comments
- 17
No, Trump Did Not Overfeed Koi Fish During His Trip To Japan
No, trump didn't overfeed a bunch of Koi fish on his trip to Japan. But there were still a few prize turd comments coming out of that trip.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 39
What's Good OR BAD For You Now? (11-09-17)
Every week it's reported that something is good ... or REALLY bad for you.
- Authors
- By Tim Hawkman, Chris Pauls
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- Comments
- 122
The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/7/17)
The news just doesn’t get any better than this. Which is kind of depressing when you think about it.
- Authors
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
- Published
- Comments
- 651
The AI That Generates Halloween Costumes Is The Singularity
This woman is a certifiable evil genius.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 20
A Giant Worm Was Found And It Turns Out, They're Very Common
Look at that cute little baby elephant trunk ... Oh, that's an earthworm.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin
- Published
- Comments
- 38
Southwest's Live In-Flight Music Is Cruel And Unusual
I thought it was impossible to innovate a worse flying experience. But Southwest has pushed the envelope with their new in-flight live entertainment.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 20