You know what? After the Rick and Morty Szechuan sauce debacle, I don't want to hear a single complaint about glitter coffee. Is it a gimmick? Yes. Is it stupid and pointless? Yes. But most fun things are stupid and pointless.
I won't be drinking this coffee, because I don't drink any coffee. It makes my heart feel like it's doing a William Shatner impression. I also don't live in the UK, so I have no horse in this race. But I will defend peoples' rights to enjoy this glitter coffee, and presumably the glitter poops that follow. Glitter is fun. It's sparkly. People who claim not to like glitter are either lying, or are kindergarten teachers who have had glitter invade every crevice of their lives. And who hasn't wanted to taste glitter? I mean, just a small taste. It looks like sugar! I'm not weird.
It seems like any new frivolous thing that could be classified as "girly" (which I would contest-- glitter is for everybody!) gets roundly mocked. Pumpkin s**ce lattes and Ugg boots seem to draw ire around this time of year, because... why? Women want to drink something that tastes good, while wearing soft comfortable shoes? Sometimes things are popular not because people are mindless sheep, but because they like having basic needs met, such as comfort and taste.
So go ahead and enjoy glitter coffee, if you're into it! It's like a disco in your mouth, without all the sweaty spandex and gross chest hair.
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The flow of time is cruel to us all.
- By Mark Hill
- April 12, 2019