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It's a sad statement on the failures of our institutions that the police did not take this parrot's cries for help seriously. Diego the parrot wasn't screaming "HELP" in the sense that he was in immediate danger. The trouble he was in was more existential in nature. "HELP! I'm a parrot who has lost control of his life."

Not to brag, but I'm something of an armchair parrot body language expert. From Diego's hunched posture and beady eyes, I can tell he's harboring a self-destructive secret. Is he addicted to cuttlebone? Snorting millet in mall restrooms? Has he been perched in front of the TV for several weeks straight, watching reruns of M*A*S*H instead of looking for a new job? Has he developed the habit of smoking or viewing pornography? These are all signs that your parrot is entering a crisis and needs help. Where did he pick up these behaviors, you wonder? He's a parrot, he learned them from you, alright? He learned them by watching you.

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