Empires of Crap - Billy Bowles: Teen Prince Of Florida

Imagine if a person tried to live their dreams only to discover that they actually were a charismatic leader, a talented pirate, and a surprisingly good escape artist. That's the story of Willam Augustus Bowles, aspiring King of Florida, who lived one of the coolest lives of the 18th century before his own delusions of grandeur ate him alive ...

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CRACKEDOON Tiffany's is selling a bank 000 tin can made of sterling silver Also, Moschino is selling a dry cleaning bag dress for $895, and Barney's

Okay, rich people. What's your deal? What are you trying to pull here? A $895 dry cleaning bag as a dress? A $1,000 tin can replica? An anarchist anti-establishment jacket being sold by the establishment for $375?

Is it chic to be poor now, or are you just making fun of us? Either way, you're treading in dangerous waters. When the general non-rich public hears about $895 bag dresses, people start to get angry. When they hear tin cans are going for a grand, the people start to get so angry, their eyes actually produce powerful beams of pure rage-energy that can melt glass.

Right now, the wealth gap is bigger than the moats rich people build around their houses to keep out the poors. I have a feeling taunting the masses with a cartoonishly evil version of capitalism is a bad idea. It's going to make those masses want to brave the imported-crocodile infested moats, just so they can take a dump in one of those $1,000 tin cans.

But on the other hand... maybe this is a smart move by the absurdly wealthy. In fact it could be genius. They're not trying to flaunt their wealth, they're trying to cloak it in tin cans and ratty jackets. When the revolution comes, and bands of bloodthirsty, jobless millennials raid their mansions, they can shrug and point to the large collection of "tin cans" in their vaults. "See? I'm just a humble tin-can hoarder, with only a dry cleaning bag to keep the rain off my totally not rich body, fellow mill-ooon-ials. Would you nice dudes care for a $9,000 ball of yarn?"

For more check out What's Good OR BAD For You Now? (11/04/2017) and What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (11/04/2017).

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