Cracked Archive - News

3 Types of Wall Street Protesters Hurting Their Own Cause

Why not let the best and brightest move to the front. And while you're at it, maybe let these three other kinds of people just, y'know, clap and hand out fliers ...

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The 8 Most Shameless Attempts to Cash in on 9/11

The worst insults to America and capitalism not video taped in a cave.

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6 Ways to Get Anyone to Believe a Clearly Fake News Story

As we continue to see more fake news stories trick people into believing, it's important to see just how they're doing it.

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6 Pro-Gay Marriage Arguments for Fighting With Crazy People

Many anti-gay marriage arguments do for reasoned debate what MC Escher did for staircases.

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5 Types of Scandals That Are Always Disappointing

When I say 'scandal,' I'm not just talking about personal screw-ups, but all the sensational news that we read only because it sounds like something out of a suspense novel or movie, and are prepared to criticize in the same way as we would criticize a poor fictional storyline.

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3 Things Gay People Are Going to Hate About Gay Marriage

We aren't trying to sway people's thinking one way or the other. But seriously, let's stop to think things through.

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How To Be a Person: A Guide to Life for the Recent Graduate

Greetings, graduating classes of 2011! Congratulations on accomplishing all you have accomplished to get here, and pre-congratulations on all the accomplishments you will surely accomplish in your accomplishful futures.

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4 Reasons We Need to Start Making Fun of Terrorists

What we need to start doing with terrorists, like we do to any troll (and that's what they are, murderous trolls) is to start embarrassing them.

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A Letter to God Following the Cancellation of the Rapture

You screwed me. Not in a literal sense, though I suppose your omnipresence raises interesting questions about our shared levels of intimacy but that's outside the point.

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Superman & Captain America ponder bin Laden's death

But not too much. Or too little.

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4 Recurring Myths We Apparently Really Want to Believe

There are a lot of pretty obviously fake stories the supposedly hard-boiled internet will just swallow as easily as your grandma will fall for that 'poor man from Nigeria that needs someone to help him get his money.' Stories like:

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St. Patrick vs Guy Celebrating St. Patrick's Day [CHART]

People give Christmas a lot of heat for forgetting what the holiday REALLY is all about. But when it comes to forgetting stuff, no holiday can match up with Saint Patrick's Day.

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