Cracked Archive - News

3 Things Gay People Are Going to Hate About Gay Marriage

We aren't trying to sway people's thinking one way or the other. But seriously, let's stop to think things through.


How To Be a Person: A Guide to Life for the Recent Graduate

Greetings, graduating classes of 2011! Congratulations on accomplishing all you have accomplished to get here, and pre-congratulations on all the accomplishments you will surely accomplish in your accomplishful futures.


4 Reasons We Need to Start Making Fun of Terrorists

What we need to start doing with terrorists, like we do to any troll (and that's what they are, murderous trolls) is to start embarrassing them.


A Letter to God Following the Cancellation of the Rapture

You screwed me. Not in a literal sense, though I suppose your omnipresence raises interesting questions about our shared levels of intimacy but that's outside the point.


Superman & Captain America ponder bin Laden's death

But not too much. Or too little.


4 Recurring Myths We Apparently Really Want to Believe

There are a lot of pretty obviously fake stories the supposedly hard-boiled internet will just swallow as easily as your grandma will fall for that 'poor man from Nigeria that needs someone to help him get his money.' Stories like:


St. Patrick vs Guy Celebrating St. Patrick's Day [CHART]

People give Christmas a lot of heat for forgetting what the holiday REALLY is all about. But when it comes to forgetting stuff, no holiday can match up with Saint Patrick's Day.


Why You Should Wear Diapers to South By Southwest

The voices, the suggestions, the ideas- they were all blending together in one giant pile of razor-focused, totally sober comedy brilliance. I'd completely lost track of who was saying what or if I was just pulling some of the suggestions from my own nightmares.


The 5 Craziest Exploits of the World's Shadiest Politician

Silvio Berlusconi basically Scrooge McDuck but wears pants less often. He's spent nine years running Italy like a frat house on double-secret probation.


How to Evaluate a Stupid News Story [COMIC]

Remember when we cared about such ridiculous stuff ... last month?


5 Products that Will Be Exposed as B.S. in 2011

No one is willing to believe a product doesn't work until science discredits it, and science is already so busy with cancer and hoverboards.


Kidnapped by Drug Lords: My 3rd Worst Vacation in Mexico

Since 2006, an all-out drug war has swept across Mexico. Tourists won't visit Baja anymore, ex-pats won't search for a cultural identity in remote mountain villages, and an unprecedented number of college co-eds refuse to make bad decisions in border towns. Frankly, it's gotten a little out of hand.


6 Near Death Experiences Caught on Video

Holy shit why were you still holding the camera?


Why 'WTF Has Obama Done So' Isn't Helping Obama

the website succeeds in accomplishing only one thing: proving, without dispute, that Barack Obama is a failed politician. That such a website even needs to exist is proof of that failure. And those democrats hoping to bolster his presidency with a sassy url destination have fundamentally misunderstood the American people.