QAnon Killed A Mafia Boss
In March 2019, Gambino family boss Francesco "Frankie Boy" Cali was shot dead outside his Staten Island home. That might sound like a normal morning in Staten Island, but this was the most high-profile mob killing since 1985. Naturally, the death sparked a media frenzy, with fears that a new Mafia war could erupt. But the truth turned out to be much weirder. The dude was killed by a QAnon believer.
Anthony Comello pulled the trigger for reasons that would require several skeins of red string to explain, but we'll try to give you the gist. QAnon holds that President Trump is waging a secret war against an elite conspiracy of high-ranking cannibalistic pedophiles, but he needs the public's help, which is why one of his allies posts regular anonymous updates as "Q." Logical enough, right?
So what did Cali supposedly have to do with any of this? It's not clear! Comello somehow identified him as a member of the "deep state" and decided to perform a citizen's arrest. He'd tried that before with New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, who famously snatches children while swooping over the city on leathery bat wings, and Maxine Waters, a dangerously violent criminal mastermind cunningly disguised as an elderly politician.
Zach Gibson/Getty ImagesShe doesn't strike us as a child-molesting ghoul, but that's probably because we're too cucked to regard Pepe memes as a reliable news source.
None of those attempts worked out, but Comello hadn't succeeded at doing anything illegal yet, so he was free to turn his attention on Frankie Boy, who lived near him. Frankie Boy, having no idea what was going on and having a certain set of conditioned responses, reached for his gun as Comello approached, so Comello shot him 10 times before fleeing. Thankfully, he was arrested before this could spark a mob war, but on the downside, this does leave us defenseless against Chuck Schumer's legion of goat-masked death troopers.
Hundreds Of Live Streamers Descended On Arizona To Investigate A Nonexistent Child-Trafficking Camp
Lewis Arthur is a sovereign-citizen-style conspiracy theorist so weird and off-putting that the Bundy family keeps kicking him out of events, which is kind of like being asked to leave the furry convention for being too yiffy. When Arthur announced that he had discovered evidence of a child sex-trafficking camp in a random patch of desert outside Tucson in 2018, local police rejected his claims, saying that not everybody camping outside was necessarily part of an elite global vampire conspiracy. Instead they concluded that Arthur had stumbled on an old homeless camp.
That really should have ended things. It did not. There was no evidence of child trafficking, but the claims went viral online, and hundreds of believers converged on the area to patrol the desert for sex criminals. Disturbed local residents suddenly found themselves living near a heavily armed encampment where nutjobs screamed around on ATVs, live-streaming their search for the child smugglers of the Cemex corporation (the Mexican cement company which owned the land and quickly became central to the theory). In one case, they trespassed on private property, stomping through an empty ranch house and declaring a former child's bedroom as evidence that abducted kids were held there.