6 Real-Life Conspiracies Crazier Than Anything In The Movies

So ... Deep Ones were kidnapping them, right? Weird that the history books never mentioned that particular '60s trend.

In reality, the Chagossians were facing something far more sprawling and sinister than eldritch fish monsters: Cold War bureaucracy.

The Chagos were technically a British colony, although Western presence was thin. Unbeknownst to the islanders, in 1967, Britain gave the islands to the U.S. in exchange for a $14 million discount on some nukes. The American admiral in charge wrote that the native population "absolutely must go" so the U.S. could turn the islands into a military base, and the British agreed that "a few Tarzans and Man Fridays" shouldn't hold up the plan. So whenever a Chagossian arrived in Mauritius, the British authorities would stop them from returning, leaving them stranded in another country with no way of contacting home.

To avoid protests back home, the U.S. and British governments simply lied and claimed the Chagossians were migrant workers with no actual connection to the islands. Internal documents reveal that everyone knew this was a "fiction," and the islanders were not crazy-eyed hobo drifters who only turned up last week. But that didn't stop officials from deliberately misleading the U.S. Senate.

The Chagossians didn't know any of this; they just knew that everyone who left vanished without a trace. Then, in 1971, by the time they were probably starting to suspect some sort of curse, the islanders were informed that they'd all have to leave. To prove they were serious, American soldiers shot and gassed all pet dogs on the island, in what the history books have recorded as "a real dick move."

Meanwhile, the British cut off all supplies, including vital medicine, and the last islanders were forcibly removed in 1973. Many died of what the Chagossians called sagren (sorrow), to the point that the WHO had to recognize it as a serious local medical problem. Their descendants continue to seek a return to the islands, and the U.S. and Britain continue to block them, because it's important to uphold tradition, even if that tradition is "being evil assholes."

But perhaps Aginter's most disturbing work was in Italy, where it played a key role in developing the "Strategy of Tension," which saw far-right groups commit terror attacks to create support for a dictatorship. Aginter held conferences attended by many future terrorists, including Stefano delle Chiaie, who traveled to South America for various nasty purposes using Aginter press credentials, and later became Italy's most wanted man after the Piazza Fontana bombing, which killed 17.

Aginter collapsed after Portugal's dictatorship was overthrown, and its activities were largely exposed during the 1984 trial of Vincenzo Vinciguerra, an Aginter-affiliated fascist who killed three Italian police officers with a car bomb in 1972. This was one of those times when the press could accurately be described as enemies of the people.

In Europe, the movement is grouped around the Schiller Institute, a German think tank founded by LaRouche's wife Helga Zepp-LaRouche (they presumably bonded over their ridiculous names). To give you an example of Helga's beliefs, in 2017, she wrote a paper that argues climate change is a "Satanic swindle" whose proponents (led by that dastardly queen) want to establish a "global eco-dictatorship," and exterminate six billion people. The Institute became notorious after a young Jewish student died in Netflix-documentary-level suspicious circumstances while attending a 2004 conference. But before that, the Institute ran a secret global campaign to ... uh, lower musical pitch?

Clearly, this minor tuning discrepancy is the most insidious plot of our age.

For most of history, musicians all over Europe tuned their instruments to wildly different pitches, meaning that the sound of classical music varied from "vuvuzela" to "kazoo," depending on what country you were in. There were various diplomatic attempts to resolve this issue, which was considered so important that it's even in the Treaty of Versailles. The issue was supposedly resolved for good in 1939, when an international conference set standard pitch at A=440 hz.

All of that is very boring, unless you're in the LaRouche movement, in which case it was the beginning of the apocalypse. See, Nazi Germany participated in the 1939 conference, and LaRouche claims that Joseph Goebbels secretly masterminded the adoption of a higher pitch to subconsciously encourage fascism. The Schiller Institute backs this up by touting "research" showing that humans feel more aggressive after listening to music at 440 hz, which is no doubt why people are always flying into uncontrollable rages after listening to Vivaldi.

And so the LaRouche movement started a propaganda campaign to get standard pitch lowered. It was weirdly successful in Italy, where LaRouche recruited classical superstars like Placido Domingo and Luciano Pavarotti to petition parliament. Opera legend Renata Tebaldi even ran for Parliament on a LaRouche platform. There's no telling how far things might have gone if LaRouche hadn't been arrested for financial fraud in the U.S., badly damaging his movement around the world. Instead, the Italian proposal was defeated, probably because all the legislators had been brainwashed by the wicked pitch of the West.

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