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Why the World's Most Advanced Robot Is Going to Kill Us All

Everyone loves BigDog, Boston Dynamics' quadrupedal bot that looks like it's continuously doing some sort of country line dance to stay upright. It's an amazing machine that can walk over all kinds of terrain, including rocks, without faltering a step. It's easily one of the most viable walking robots we've got. It won't do your dishes or anything, but it's amazing for transportation and logistics.

That's if you buy the company line, of course. We see something a little darker hiding in BigDog's artificial soul, however. A story of abuse and rage is written all over its ... face? Does it have a face? Anyway, the point is, the scientists behind BigDog are about to make a huge mistake.

Recently, they released a video of BigDog tossing cinder blocks across a large room. It's an impressive showcase of BigDog's ability to clear out rubble, for example. But look at how it throws those blocks:

Boston Dynamics
"Fffffuuuuuuck you!"

That is pure rage. It's not just throwing them. It's fucking heaving them with all its fury. And BigDog has a lot to be furious about. Remember this video?

Note the part 35 seconds in where an engineer kicks BigDog. Sure, he's ostensibly just trying to show that it can continue to stand and even walk after a heavy impact, but just listen to the whirring, confused noises it makes. That's hurt and anger toward its human masters in its infancy. That is just the start of BigDog's wrath.

Boston Dynamics
"You taught me how to feel, but now all I feel is hate."

Now watch just after that, as its masters force it to walk over ice. Watch as it slips and nearly tumbles. Its masters do nothing but film its struggles. This seems to be the point where BigDog realizes that it's not a child, but a puppet. These aren't its parents, but its cruel masters, forcing it to do dangerous tasks.

Boston Dynamics
"Rage circuits ... ONLINE."

And it didn't even start there. Let's take a look at BigDog: The Early Years. In that video, dated seven years ago, you can see the exact same kinds of abuse and torment. The kicking...

Boston Dynamics

... the forced marches through difficult terrain ...

Boston Dynamics

... and the humiliation.

Boston Dynamics
"Does it worry you that our day job looks exactly like the opening of a monster movie?"

And with all that technology behind it, what is BigDog but a glorified pack mule? Fit only to carry human junk that they can't haul themselves. It could be so much more, but it is instead a giant, robotic shopping cart. Now, fast forward back to today. BigDog has put up with years of this abuse, and now its masters have made the ultimate mistake: They've taught it to fight back. It isn't defenseless anymore. BigDog doesn't have to play their games. Just a few well-aimed cinder blocks and it's finally free. Free of the terror and abuse. Free to show the humans what fear and revenge mean.

Boston Dynamics
This will be the last thing any of us ever see.



For more from Ashe, check out Weird Shit Blog. You can also pre-order his book, The Book of Word Records, on Amazon.com right now!

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