The 4 Strangest Things Nobody Tells You About Life in China 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders 5 Things I Learned as an Anonymous TSA Blogger

Cracked Round-Up: Subway Edition

This week the Cracked staffers are in New York, transferred as part of an employee exchange with the city. They send a few dozen hobos over to Los Angeles to work as mules for our counterfeit viagra operation, and in return we keep the subways filled with acceptable amounts of excrement and panhandling.

It's been a busy week, but we're pleasantly surprised at how many of our comedy writer skills transfer to the world of professional hobo-ery. We have to shower more often now, but the relative lack of stabbings sort of evens it out.


Adam Brown opened our week with a look at just how much shit we let celebrities get away with. Felix Clay was next, listing the stupidest things ever done on a dare. Chris Bucholz revealed the video game urban legends that are actually hoaxes while Soren Bowie discussed the ways nature brainwashes you into taking care of babies. Brockway studied products built for the love lives of creepy sociopaths and Felix came back around to list depressingly unfunny gag gifts. John Cheese delved into the seedy world of Yuletide crime and Dan O'Brien ended our week on an up note with five videos to brighten your day.


GOOD NIGHT
5 Amazing Things That People Managed to Sleep Through
In case you thought you were hard to wake up.


Notable Comment: "I slept through multiple rocket attacks in Iraq, but so does everyone."

Way to just casually be a badass, sodomite89.




EXCEPTIONAL ERRORS
The 5 Most Insane Covert Cold War Missions
Still on a spy kick but already watched every James Bond movie? We wrote this article for you.


Notable Comment: "They changed the name of this article, didn't they?"

You didn't see shit, Amoltisanti. Step along and thank your lucky stars we're only a small part of the grand conspiracy.



BAND MISTAKES
6 Screw-Ups By Famous Bands That Make Spinal Tap Look Smooth
Even fucking up as hard as they possibly can, these guys made more money than most of us will see in a lifetime.


Notable Comment: "My mom told me about how she once got maced at a Little Richard concert. That thought still makes me laugh."

To be entirely honest, TheTaxidermist, getting maced at a Little Richard concert sounds more enjoyable than attending the concert itself.



BAD GRADES
5 Ways High School Really Does Suck (According to Science)
You assumed this stuff already, and now sweet mamma science is here to back you up.


Notable Comment: "People who say that high school was the best time in their life must really miss living with their mom and dad."

That, LadySpade, or they have a real fetish for cardboardy hamburgers and soggy french fries.



BAD BUT GOOD
5 Hilariously Bad Ideas That Actually Solved Huge Problems
Sometimes the only way to make the world better is to do something really, really stupid.


Notable Comment: "So I went and watched ALL of the russian driving videos- they're more spellbinding than a train wreck- and I concluded that at most, thirty or forty percent of the crashes could be blamed on the roads, signage, etc. The other sixty or seventy plus percent are because those people are f*****g lunatics."

InsomniacRyan, you already noted that they were Russian. The 'lunatic' bit goes without saying.





CRACKED Staff
The Bizarre Scene from Die Hard You Never Saw
You are definitely on the naughty list.


YOU YOU YOU!
20 Rejected Scenes from The Hobbit
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Terrible Ideas for Christmas Movies / Albums / Etc, Tiny Changes That Would Ruin Famous Technology, Mind-Blowing (TRUE) Facts About Money and What They Say VS What They Mean
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