#3. The Fallen Angel of Catalonia
When a video begins with a couple of guys crashing through the woods at night like one of those "searching for Bigfoot" specials on The History Channel, you can already tell that it isn't going to end well (and that they aren't going to find Bigfoot). That's the case with this video, reportedly shot in the woods of Catalonia, Spain (hence all the Spanish):
The two men are apparently investigating strange noises. It's not totally unbelievable that they would want to bring a camera along -- strange noises potentially mean a large and equally strange creature, so it would behoove them to get it on tape. As they follow the noises, they start to find giant white feathers, which honestly are kind of out of place in the middle of the forest, seeing as oversized swans and/or geese typically don't go tearing through the underbrush at midnight:
But raptors do.
Here's where an optimistic person would think, "Oh, this is probably some inspirational Christian video, and they'll run into a white-robed woman who will smile and offer them tidings of comfort and joy!" That is not what happens.
Eventually the men come across what at first appears to be a person crouched in some gnarled bushes, but when the creature turns to look at them, all of that "person" bullshit goes out the window:
"Oh, what a relief, it's just chupacabra."
If you freeze-frame it, you can see that while the thing may be humanoid in appearance, its eyes are badly sunken in, its head and face seem overly large (and awfully pale), and its pupils catch every ounce of the virtually nonexistent light coming from the camera. So, it's either a seriously haggard meth addict with Riddick-like powers who wandered out into the woods of Spain to scream at the talking scorpions living beneath his fingernails, or it's someone in heavy monster makeup. Most likely, it's the latter and the whole thing was staged by a couple of friends wanting to either get on the news or become Internet famous. It's not even that great of a costu- ... wait, what are those, stumps on its back?
"Listen, I know I should be focused on this other worldly discovery, but we really need to get him to a dermatologist."
You know, it looks like it used to have wings ... until someone (or something) ripped them off.
Well, someone could have built those out of plastic or latex and fastened them to ... uh, their deteriorating drug-addicted friend's back, solely for the purpose of a detail that's never clearly focused on and is mostly obscured by the curling skeletal fingers of tree branches. In the middle of the woods. In the middle of the night.
You know what's totally lame? The woods. Only losers go into the woods, ever, for any reason.
#2. The Disneyland Ghost
Right away this video is suspicious just from the description -- a ghost hanging around the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland? That's a fake haunted house. Why would any realm-shambling specter waste its time in a place where people are expecting to see automated rocking chairs and Muppets dressed up like phantoms? It just seems like that would be super boring.
Anyway, the video starts with someone (presumably a security guard) filming a bank of four monitors displaying video feeds from four different cameras in the park, near the Haunted Mansion attraction:
He (or she -- we really have no way of knowing, because the camera operator never speaks) zooms in on one screen for what initially is no apparent reason. But then it slowly becomes clear:
"John, if this is another one of those screamer videos? I swear to Christ ..."
It just looks like a smudge in our still shots, but in motion it's a clear yet transparent human figure, merrily strolling down the path like someone out to test their new Predator cloaking device. The guard tracks it across all four screens as it walks right through the closed gate, crosses the street and then struts out over the river before fading from view:
It didn't even buy a Mickey ears hat.
So what is it? It's clearly a person (or the shade of a person) just kind of jaunting along like a haunted iPod commercial, but what could produce that image on the security feed? A lot of YouTube comments jump to the conclusion that it's a reflection on the monitor, which would make sense if the room the monitors are in were about 60 feet long, and wide enough for someone to stand far enough away to make the appropriate scale and to walk a long enough distance to cast a seamless reflection on all four screens. Beyond that, the screens are stacked, not side by side, meaning the security office would have to be two stories tall and the person casting the reflection would have to teleport from the top level to the bottom level midstride in order to maintain the illusion. Either that or the reflection is being made by a very tiny man.
Then there's this shot:
Again, it's easier to see in motion, but that's the figure appearing on two cameras simultaneously, which means it pretty much has to be something that is actually on the video. In other words, we have to stand back in awe, if not at the existence of Disneyland ghosts, but at whoever went through the shitload of time and effort this took.
It would (presumably) have to be CGI that was doctored directly onto the security tapes and then filmed on a separate camcorder during playback. Maybe the guard stole four separate tapes of footage, took them home to add the effects on each one and then brought them back to the park to play them on the security bank in perfect sync without anybody noticing. After all, it's not Air Force One, it's Disneyland. How hardcore could security possibly get? Well, they do have four cameras monitoring a single walkway ...
Not to mention all the cameras in the bathrooms.
Uh, maybe it's part of the ride?
#1. The Hand Demon
If there is an Internet video out there creepier than this one, we're not sure we want to see it:
This video starts with someone running through their house swinging a camera around while what sounds like an air-raid siren drones in the background. At first, it seems like maybe a hurricane is raging outside and he's making a video inventory for the insurance company:
"That's the 108" LED TV, complete with Bose stereo system and all six seasons of 30 Rock."
But when the horror starts, it's anything but subtle. And by that we mean that when the cameraman gets to the bedroom, everything becomes a Tool video. He switches on a flashlight as bizarre, pale-grey arms begin growing down from the ceiling. First it's just a few, but soon it's a dozen or more:
To be fair, his friends did warn him about the dangers of leaving a high-five hanging.
Then, several spindly baby arms reach up from under the door and flex against the doorjamb like tiny soot-covered Hulkamaniacs:
This is not how one goes about breaking down a door.
More hands start grasping out of the wall, even coming straight through one of his posters, because phantom chimney-sweep forearms care nothing for personal belongings:
He pans over to one undisturbed patch of wall just as a surprisingly benign eye appears and blinks at him:
"Oh, sorry, I usually wait until you're asleep to start watching you."
Finally, a creature made out of a wriggling mass of hands and fingers forms in the center of the room. It gives him a few seconds to dye his pants brown before it attacks him.
Its superpower is groping people on subways.
The fact that this is CGI is as obvious as the crap in our pants that appeared after watching it. But that's some goddamned well-made CGI -- see how the light is reflecting off of the skin of the arms?
It's ... you know, almost like that flashlight really is shining on something in the room ...
The giant hand-creature in the immediate foreground?
Again, totally fake. And again, try going to bed tonight without imagining a dozen tiny black baby arms reaching under the gap beneath your closet door. That's what horror is all about -- you watch these at work, during the day and your rational brain writes it off as some film student's demo reel. Watch it again, at night, alone and you will believe in ceiling hands.
For more reasons to shit your pants, check out The 5 Creepiest Disappearances That Nobody Can Explain and 8 Creepy Video Game Urban Legends (That Happen to Be True).
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out Biggest Red Flag in the History of Relationships.
And stop by LinkSTORM to learn about the ghost that watches you sleep.
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