Bruce Almighty was remarkable for only two reasons: One, despite sucking for the most part, it racked up $242 million domestic at the box office; and, two, a mostly unknown actor named Steve Carell stole every scene he was in.
Based on the ridiculous amount of money it made, we weren't surprised when Hollywood decided to make a sequel, Evan Almighty. What did surprise us was that they were actually centering the film on Carell. Could it be that Hollywood producers had actually gotten something right?! Well, no, of course not. As if to slap those hopeful few among us directly in our naïve mouths, director Tom Shadyac made a bloated, big budget stinker that ignored the talents of its human cast in favor of special effects and animals that specialize in slapstick.
Nonetheless, the premise got us thinking: What if Hollywood started spinning sequels off of the best character in the original film, rather than offering up paired down versions of the first iteration? Below, we present nine characters that must have their own movie.
9Sequel to: Office Space
Character: Milton Waddams (Stephen Root)
Why: The vastly underrated Stephen Root and the Milton character that he brought to such vivid life in the first film finally get their chance to shine. Office Space was inspired by a bunch of animated shorts Mike Judge did in the early '90s that focused on Milton, so a spin-off would actually be coming full circle.
Pitch: After being fired for arson, Milton waddles over to Chotchkies and starts bussing tables without being noticed by the restaurant's manager. If you thought he was out of place in the Initech cube farm, wait until you see him try to cope with his new "Christmas every day" work environment.
Points of Reference: No Reservations meets Falling Down meets First Season of Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place
8Sequel to: The Big Lebowski
Character: Jesus Quintana (John Turturro)
Why: Because pretty much every single scene that Turturro' Jesus appears in is a classic. Whether it' the dance he does to the Gypsy Kings' version of "Hotel California," the point he gives partner Liam O'Brien after rolling a strike or the trash talking he heaps on Walter and The Dude, if you only have five minutes to get your Lebowski fix in, Jesus' are the scenes you're fast-forwarding to. So why not spread his over-the-top shit-talking across an entire 90-minute film?
Pitch: Jesus goes on a cross-country adventure to Bangor, Maine, to compete in a bowling tourney with Liam' twin brother, Opie. (Liam' long dead.)
Points of Reference: Kingpin meets City Slickers II meets the funnier parts of Sleepers