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Robert Brockway

Robert Brockway is a former senior editor and columnist for Cracked.com. He is the author of the post-apocalyptic horror epic Carrier Wave, the cyberpunk novel Rx: A Tale of Electronegativity, the comedic non-fiction essay collection Everything is Going to Kill Everybody, and The Vicious Circuit, a punk rock urban fantasy series from Tor Books. He lives in Tucson, Arizona with his wife Meagan and their three dogs, Detective Martin Riggs, Detective Roger Murtaugh, and Penny (she did not make the force). Find more information about his work on his own site, http://www.robertbrockway.net.

The 8 G.I. Joes Most Frequently Left In the Box

Before the cartoon, there was only one G.I. Joe. That was his name. His first name was G.I., his last name was Joe, and his middle name was Fuck You for Asking, Commie.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: December 29, 2010

9 Major Stories Everyone Got Wrong This Year

The biggest stories that the media and the internet got the most wrong in 2010.

Authors: By Daniel O'Brien, Robert Brockway, Jack O'Brien, Kristi Harrison, Jason Pargin
Published: December 29, 2010

6 Near Death Experiences Caught on Video

Holy shit why were you still holding the camera?

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: December 22, 2010

What's Really Delaying Spielberg's Tin Tin Movie? Racism

No, those comic panels are not Photoshopped. That's all Unmodified, Grade-A, Original Racism on display up there.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: December 15, 2010

If The Characters from 'Street Fighter 2' Got Hammered

Street Fighter 2 Drunk for Pants.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: December 08, 2010

The 8 Manliest Foreign Movie Posters Ever

Modern American movie posters suck, but that doesn't mean the art is dead. It's just been outsourced, like everything else, to South Asia.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: December 01, 2010

The Complete Lunatic's Guide to the 5 Best Sipping Whiskeys

You're sick and tired of grabbing a Kentucky Bourbon and getting into a fistfight with a bicycle courier, when you should be sipping a nice Single Malt and watching mail-order Russian brides wrestle for the imitation diamonds that you threw on the floor.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: November 24, 2010

6 Ways 'Fallout: New Vegas' Made Me a Worse Person

I started one of these 'realistic' games, and vowed to play it as if it were really me in there. My traits, my habits, my morals. Along the way, I learned some things. Horrible, scarring things that I wish I could now deny. Such as:

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: November 17, 2010

7 Real Car Chases Way Crazier Than Anything in the Movies

Sometimes reality grabs fiction by the throat and drags it screaming down the highway before hitting a conveniently placed ramp, ramming through a gas tanker, and careening -- airborne and aflame -- into the white house.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: November 16, 2010

The 5 Most Mind-Blowing Moments from Indian Action Movies

there is a small state in India called Tamil Nadu that's been churning out movies which prove, without a doubt, that they can do action every bit as well as we can, plus throw in a hurricane, eight bears, a dance number and a bitchin' goat jump on top.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: November 10, 2010

There Was Always That One Kid That Ruined Every D&D Game ...

Stick with it. Your brain will explode if your balls don't first.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: November 03, 2010

The 10-Year-Old's Guide to Fighting

As a ten year old boy, I believed the grown-up world revolved entirely around fighting. Not bickering, or conflict, or war, but actual, literal, martial arts-style dueling.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: October 28, 2010

If Link From Zelda Went On a Bender: A Journey in Screencaps

Zelda A Link to the Past 2: Past Harder.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: October 20, 2010

Tricks for Celebrating Halloween at Every Stage of Life

Looking at Halloween across the span of our lifetimes, we see an oscillating parabola of hedonism: Babies, being stupid, don't understand the day and find it worrying, kids get their first taste of true euphoric excess, teenagers think they're too cool for it, young adults use it like a nation-wide masked orgy, and adults are just inconvenienced.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: October 13, 2010

The Monster Inside of Mario Lopez: A Warning

I can only hope the writings of a monster might convince you where mine continuously fail.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: October 06, 2010

The 5 Weirdest Drug Experiments Performed on Animals

Why let animals enjoy a natural buzz, when science is more than willing to step in and take that high to new hilarious, bizarre, kind of mean-spirited heights?

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: September 30, 2010

5 Bad Economic Indicators for the Criminally Insane

personally, I always thought 'economy' was a virtually windowless van manufactured by the Ford Company. It seemed a little odd when people got excited at the prospect of it 'turning around,' but I just figured they were rape fans.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: September 22, 2010

If Old School Comics Were Written For (And By) Drunk People

The Flash is twice as entertaining when drunk.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: September 15, 2010

5 Classic Movies If They Got Pitched in Hollywood Today

If they greenlit Schindler's List today, it'd be about an assassin named Schindler, his large-breasted sidekick, and his list of high profile targets. In 3D. POSTproduction 3D.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: September 09, 2010

7 Bizarre Sounds From Outer Space

In space, nobody can hear you scream. Oh, not because sound doesn't exist there; you'd just get drowned out by the god damn racket all that stoic-looking cosmic stuff is making.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: September 01, 2010

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