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Robert Brockway

Robert Brockway is a former senior editor and columnist for Cracked.com. He is the author of the post-apocalyptic horror epic Carrier Wave, the cyberpunk novel Rx: A Tale of Electronegativity, the comedic non-fiction essay collection Everything is Going to Kill Everybody, and The Vicious Circuit, a punk rock urban fantasy series from Tor Books. He lives in Tucson, Arizona with his wife Meagan and their three dogs, Detective Martin Riggs, Detective Roger Murtaugh, and Penny (she did not make the force). Find more information about his work on his own site, http://www.robertbrockway.net.

Marriage, Anyone? It Took Me 5 Minutes to Become a Minister

As a recently married man, I support Proposition 8: I don’t want the sanctity of marriage sullied by queers, pedophiles, robosexuals and Californians. I simply will not stand by and watch the solemn, noble, sacred covenant of marriage be taken anything less than completely seriously. I take it so seriously, in fact, that I’ve recently undergone the

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The Vampire Formula: What Women See In Them

Let\'s shed a little educated light on the resurgence of this whole \'Vampire Romance\' genre. Now, before you justifiably click away, I\'m not talking about Twilight, which is entirely unconnected to the true resurgence of the vampire, present in anything from True Blood to The Vampire Diaries to Anne Rice to Being Human and on and on.

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10 Mustache Styles That Must Be Stopped

The mustache is a style that has sadly been relegated to antiquity: It is a quaint, often goofy relic that\'s looked upon with derision in the modern world, when it is looked upon at all. So of course, it\'s time for the insufferable hipsters to ironically bring it back.

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Choose Your Own Drug-Fueled Misadventure: Flight of Terror

You are surrounded by tiny, empty liquor bottles, which you enjoy, because it makes you feel like Andre the Giant. Your legs are stretched taut in front of you. Your belly is heavy with the warm, comforting weight of a vast assortment of illegal narcotics. All wrapped safely in condoms, of course.

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The Sociopath's Guide to Owning and Maintaining Classic Cars

Some of us didn\'t have anybody in our lives that was there to teach us the important things in life: How to fix appliances, build a shed, when it is and is not acceptable to urinate on a police officer or, in my particular case, how to work on classic cars. And that\'s a damn shame too, because from approximately 1960 to 1979, the United States bu

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The U.S. Army's Weed Weapon: A Paranoid But True Conspiracy

Marijuana: The drug of choice for dudes that want to chill, mellow out, relax or just, y\'know, hang. So it might be a little surprising to learn that, long before the hippies launched (or at least hackey-ed) pot into the collective consciousness, it was being heavily advocated by the military. For use as a weapon.

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For Dio: The Only Appropriate Tribute

Dio taught me, in part, what it is to be a man. Oh, he did not teach the rational lessons: He did not teach me morality, or responsibility, or restraint. No, Dio taught me that being a man means sometimes ruining things in the most extravagant fashion possible.

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Why Ebert Is Wrong: In Defense of Games as Art

Roger Ebert is a sharp, incisive, and thoughtful man, and his many other opinions are not instantly rendered invalid simply because he\'s so full of shit on this one that it\'s spraying out of his ears like one of those clown sprinkler-heads.

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A Pledge to Conan From the Fans Who Got Him Into This Mess

Somewhere in the bundle of shame-amnesia that was early adulthood, I also forgot about Conan. Oh, I knew he existed, and I would speak fondly about his show if somebody brought it up. But I didn\'t watch it; not for years. Much as motherfuckers did with Dre, most of us forgot about Conan.

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5 Amazing New Experimental Drugs I Just Took: A Review

I\'m the resident Alternative Lifestyle Specialist around here (which is what I keep asking my boss to call me instead of \'drug-addled wreck of a human being,\') so when new pharmaceutical trends sweep through the United States like Daniel Larusso\'s leg, it\'s up to me to cover them.

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