GAMING BENDERS PRESENTS8 THELEGEND OF AELDA T 3 ALINK TO THE PAST 2: PAST HARDER

PLAYER SELECT 1. B. ROCK 000 2. 3. COPY PLAYER ERASE PLAYER

-LIFE- 000 00 00 000 188881 111 13 O LOOK AT HIMO SLEEPING THERE LIKE A DICK. GET UP, BOY! GET UP 60 YOU CAN WATCH ME ABANDON YOU.

-LIFE- 000 00 00 19848-8 R9-99-9 YOU STAY IN THIS HOUSE. IM GONNA GO DRINK AWAY YOUR CO. LLEGE FUNDo HAP GET ITE ITOE FUNNY BECAUSE IT IMPLIES YOU HAV

-LIFE- 000 00 00 188881 11101-71 YOUR FATHER HAS LEFT YOU. ALONE. AGAIN YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

HTEM Y ETHER CRYSTAL METH DO A EQUIPMENT RUN FIGHT KIDNAP BUBN 2

Later that afternoon, behind the YMCA across town ...

D LIFE- 000 00 00 000 YOUR FATHER Is PASSED OUT IN AN ALLEY. HE LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT BE HURT. WHAT WILL YOU D0?

If Link From Zelda Went On a Bender: A Journey in Screencaps

Three bars, one cockfight and two pawn shops later ...

LIFE 046 0D 00 SIR, PLEASE. I DONP T CARE HOW ORIPE PEDO YOU ARE. YOU CANNOT LIFT THE BAR BY THE FLOOR. ITDS AGAINST THE LAWS OF PHYSE YOU KNOW WHATE

OLls o 0099 LIFE 00 9999 TEE 999P 9999 34 4 9999 999999T WA D  I MAN THATOS BULLSHIT! YOU GOT CUT OFF! WHAT NOW?

HTEM Y MUSHROOMS CRYSTAL METH D0 A EGUIPMENT RUN FIGHT KIDNAP BURN 2

OLls o 0099 LIFE 00 9999 TEE 999P 9999 34 4 3 9999 999999999 WHOA2 HEY. THATOS. ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THISE NAANNNNDE NANNNAAANN

LIFE OLls o 0099 00 9999 TEE 999P 9999 34 4 3 9999 999999999

5900 ? 999OD 99 099999ES oyooy

LIFE 255 50 20 YEAH5 SEE? THIS IS WHAT I WAS SAYING. SHITOS GONE SOUTH OON YOU NOW YOUP RE IN A THISTED WORLD OF DARKNESSO A PERe VERSE MIRROR OF YOUR

8 P.M.: Community Swimming Pool.

-LIFE- 0436 DO D 0OO 1 AHH, ITO GOOD TO GET THE ORPHANS OUT OF THE HOME. ITS MOMENTS LIKE THESE THAT THEY CAN FORGET EVER SO BRIEFLYO THE TERRIBLE WEI

-LIFE- 0436 D0 DDfe 0OO 1

-LIFE- 255 439 8 OOOOOOOOOO OOOO fe

If Link From Zelda Went On a Bender: A Journey in Screencaps

If Link From Zelda Went On a Bender: A Journey in Screencaps

-LIFE- 0436 D0 DDfe 0OO 1 DIBS ON MURDER!

--- CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 ---

11PM: Rural Route 6.

LIFE 046 00 00 HE 8 8O FUCKING FAST! WHY DOES HE HAVE THE ONLY PAIR OF SPRINT BOOTS IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLDE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS PANTSE!

LIFE 046 00 00 SHIT ONE OF US REALLY NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO JOGo o o

12AM: The Royal Palace Gates.

LIFE DDD DD DO NO, SIR. NO2 I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU HAVE PBIZNASSTY'D WITH THE PRINCESS. YES. YES I AM CALLING YOU A LIAR.

A LIFE 008 00 0 0 0O0 OH2 MY HANDSOME PRINCE! AT LAST YOU VE COME TO RESCUE ME FROM THIS HORRI ROOM!

If Link From Zelda Went On a Bender: A Journey in Screencaps

6AM: The Sewers Beneath the Old Paper Mill.

LIFE 0743 00 00 Z EXCUSE ME? MISTER YOU SAID WE WERE GOING ON AN EPIC QUEST AND, WELL IT' s JUST THAT WE' VE BEEN HIDING IN THIS SEWER FOR SIX HOURS N

9AM: The Church of Our Lady Of Infinite Sorrows

LIFE 12/436 /D DD TAKE IT EASY NOW, SON. THIS GIRL CAME TO ME FOR SANCTUARY, AND I PLAN TO GIVE IT. JUST PUT THE BOMB DOWN..

Sv -LIFE- 255 49 68 0000000002020202 AUGHBLAGL! GRAAAHHHE BLABOLG! GRA000000O RAAAAAAAABBLLG!

-LIFE- 04 0 00 800880

-LIFE- 04 0 00 8 800880

-LIFE- 04 0 00 800880

-LIE- a 800880

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU' VE WON THE GAME! THAT WAS THE HARDEST BENDER IN HYRULE HISTORY! THE AUTHORITIES WILL BE ALONG SHORTL PUT ON SOME PANTS!


You can buy Robert's book, Everything is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead, or follow him on Twitter and Facebook or you can just complain in the comments about how he's been really milking this drug shtick lately.

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