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Robert Brockway

Robert Brockway is a former senior editor and columnist for Cracked.com. He is the author of the post-apocalyptic horror epic Carrier Wave, the cyberpunk novel Rx: A Tale of Electronegativity, the comedic non-fiction essay collection Everything is Going to Kill Everybody, and The Vicious Circuit, a punk rock urban fantasy series from Tor Books. He lives in Tucson, Arizona with his wife Meagan and their three dogs, Detective Martin Riggs, Detective Roger Murtaugh, and Penny (she did not make the force). Find more information about his work on his own site, http://www.robertbrockway.net.

Choose Your Own Misadventure: Tripping at a Costume Party

You promised yourself that this time would be different. You promised that you'd rein it in: Just have a few drinks, make some small talk, and then call it a night. This here is a modest Halloween party, homey, not some twisted Revelations themed boxing-orgy. That was last night.

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5 Ways 'Arkham City' Proves I'm Under Qualified to be Batman

Look, I know it's highly unlikely that I would have ever been Batman, but I just didn't think the option would be completely off the table at this point in my life, you know? Yes, I'm poor, cowardly, out of shape, and the only thing I want to 'avenge' is that time somebody took one of my beers out of the company fridge without asking.

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5 Steps to Having The Most Badass Funeral Ever

Most funeral services are morbid, somber, serene affairs that are directly at odds with most human beings, who are ridiculous, flailing jesters, pratfalling their way through life. I say it's time to put the 'fun' back in 'funeral' and the 'felony' back in 'the cemetery.'

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5 Surprising Upsides to Getting Married

Pop culture showed me only three stages to love: Desperately trying to stumble into it, eventually securing it with marriage, and then spending the rest of your life regretting it.

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6 Images of Kids Too Insane to Be Real (That Totally Are)

Here at Cracked, we love badasses. Either because we recognize a kindred spirit when we see one, or possibly because we adore the things that we can never be. Judging by all the crying and non-karate in here, it's almost certainly the latter. But as we quietly sob witty retorts we didn't have the balls to say at the time into our moist, shameful pi

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The Most Efficient Way to Do ... Everything

Let's face it: We are tragically ineffective people. Don't try to deny it. You're reading Cracked right now instead of doing literally anything else; that's proof enough right there. Luckily the internet, the primary cause of our efficiency deficiency, might also be the cure: I've found as many quick, easy methods to streamline your life as I could

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Dumb Things White People Secretly Suspect About Other Races

'I'm pretty sure Mexicans enjoy things more than me,' I admitted to the man, picking at a cowlick of fine white thread jutting from the seam of his black leather pseudo-sofa. You know the things I mean - those stretched out chair/couches, like the limousine version of a recliner?

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How to Become an Author, in 5 Incredibly Difficult Steps

There are a lot of questions and answers for new authors out there on the internet, but they always seem to dance around the subject in the name of preserving some sort of artistic mystique. As is the case with all nice things, I would like to ruin that tradition. I'll talk to you about the publishing process honestly and unflinchingly, even when i

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