Online ads clearly know something the rest of us don't about our impending doom.
Zika and shootings and terrorism are frightening, sure. But there are even worse types of catastrophes happening every day that no one talks about.
You already thought these events were awful, but, oh man, things were so much worse.
Come, friend, allow us to act as Virgil to your jet-lagged Dante.
It's time once again for another installment of our most popular feature, in which we find the cream of the internet fakery crop and then explain how it's all totally real.
Planet Earth is due for the Roland Emmerich treatment
We talked to Greg, a research survey pollster in Akron, and Ron, an employee of a partisan and consumer polling firm, about what it's like to keep your finger on the pulse of the nation.
Warning: This is an inspirational article so there will be hand-crafted inspirational images. Turn back now if you are offended by inspirational images.
Old, faithful cliches have been overtaken by internet age updates, which goes a long way to explaining the appearance of some pretty strange niches.
'Well, I was going to dress up as Ramona Flowers and masturbate anyway, why not take pictures and charge people for them?'
There's just something about showers -- the way the heat and the pounding water and the feeling of soaping up our soapables prods our minds into a more creative state.
Most amusement park rides are made of metal, but some rides are just, well, more metal than others.
Sometimes, the best ways to survive in a movie universe can be shockingly, almost stupidly obvious.
The 'Happiest Place On Earth' is often where you can find the worst society has to offer.
There are several ready-made solutions to our many, many educational problems. All we have to do is swallow our pride and let other countries teach us how to become more better at schooling.