What’s the point of having tons of money, if people around you don’t know it? Having your needs covered, with enough margin to indulge yourself? You’re way past that -- you have reached a place where riches determine your place on society’s scoreboard. Except that it’s coarse to just post your bank statements -- you have to flaunt your wealth in an indirect way, by spending insane amounts on pointless luxuries. So for all the nouveaux riches among our readers (all two of them), we have these suggestions. (Feel free to Venmo us a fee for the service.)

YOU CAN BUY... A $58,500 Louis Vuitton skateboard. JOUIS X TON Only two were made, each boasting the brand's masterful craftsmanship and attention to detail. The board itself is only $2,660 - - this being a fancy bag company, the case is the really expensive thing. GRACKED.COM

Source: Input

YOU CAN BUY... A $3,490 gold dildo. When you're treating yourself, you're really treating yourself with this 24 carat gold va-jewel. Your order will be crafted specifically for you and your discerning... er, discernment.

Source: Lelo

YOU CAN BUY... A $190 magnifying glass. It isn't just magnifying - it's also magnifique, with its gold-plated brass body and its Swarovski Crystal inlays. Look into it, and you might just see all the microscopic plebes who can't afford this splendor, you affluent giant.

Source: Mr Porter

YOU CAN BUY... A $100,000 wet razor. The Zafirro Iridium, as its name lets you know, is made of iridium (a very rare, very hard material coming mostly from meteorites), and its blades are sapphire. A very sensible investment if your facial hair is the consistency of Kevlar.

Source: Zafirro

YOU CAN BUY A $290,000 gold bicycle We know what you're thinking isn't a bike made of gold a bit heavy? Especially considering you have to lug a safe for it? Let us assure you, that won't be an issue for anyone reading this.

Source: Goldgenie

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