We asked Cracked readers about the most messed-up stuff they've had to deal with as neighbors or roommates… and we're seriously considering moving into a cave in the wilderness. Here are a few vengeful neighbors and clueless roommates you'll be glad you never cohabitated with:

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA The deconstructed meatless cheeseburger GRACKED Trace M. says I once had a roommate that would eat an onion like an apple and a block of cheese for dinner. That was a regular meal for him.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA Hello, 911? I'd like to report a subpar panini. GRACKED Eric C. says Got the cops called on me by my roommate because their griddle was scratched. Even the cops looked like they'd rather be anywhere but there.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA Landlord and savior GRACKED Kit G. says My roommate's parents (who owned the house) found out I was atheist, and then coincidentally decided to double the rent -- but if I went to church with them on Sundays, they would drop it by $100 every week I went.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA Living next to Luca Brasi CRACKED Michael I. says After a long campaign of harassment, our crazy neighbours left a doll's head on the windshield of a nice neighbour's car. Their issue? When Nice Neighbour parked her car in her OWN driveway, it apparently blocked the crazy neighbours' view of the street.

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TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA Living next to the Honeymooners CRACKED Mike s. says I had neighbors that would scream at each other in their yard in the middle of the night. A couple nights after they moved in one threw a tire iron at the other and missed and broke the sliding glass door. They called the police and said someone had tired to break in, which I guess in a way is kind of true?

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA It's not litter, it's a... car seed. GRACKED Heidi K. says I had a couple planters out on our floor's communal balcony for herbs and such. Someone stole one of these planters, planted a tomato plant in it, and left it down on the ground floor. Then someone else stole the plant and left a car mirror in the open dirt hole.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA Laundromats HATE this one weird trick CRACKED Tommy s. says My friend in college said that his roommate had his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, and would spray Lysol into the air so the mist would fall onto his clothes so he could wear them again.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA Thou shalt rock CRACKED Jesse R. says I used to live next door to a church. Every Sunday we'd find church goers parked in our driveway. We politely asked them not to park in our driveway, we asked the preacher to tell his parishioners not to park in our driveway, we put up a sign asking them not to park in our driveway. None of it worked. So we started gathering every speaker in the house and pointing them towards the church every sunday morning and blasting Slayer's God Hates Us All.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA Grandma got pissed off by a reindeer GRACKED Catherine o. says My neighbor didn't like my Christmas decorations because the deer made her 100 dogs bark. A storm came through and my deer took flight into her yard. She threatened to call the cops on me because I was trying to get my property off of her property. Now we hate each other forever!

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA How do you make someone else wet their own bed? GRACKED Karen P. says I had a roommate put a bunch of straight pins and sewing needles under my waterbed mattress (yes this was a while ago, when waterbeds were a thing) for asking her to pay her share of the rent on time.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA I know you are but what am I? CRACKED Jade W. says I felt bad for her at first because she was younger and didn't seem to understand basic things like photosynthesis or that pets need fresh water at all times. She would come over every time I got groceries and ask TO TAKE A TO-GO box. I stopped really talking to her after that and she left a note on my door calling me crazy.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA It's my party; I'll hemorrhage if I want to CRACKED Toby J. says I had a roommate punch in my window because no one was dancing with him at his birthday party, and cut his arm up pretty bad. We patched up his arm, and before I went to work the next day I got all the glass from my bed and room and mopped up all the blood.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA He's just a bit sementimental GRACKED Mike H. says Had a roommate once who owned a truly staggering amount of porn, kept his toenail clippings in a jar and saved the first condom he'd used in a ziploc bag.

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA I... declare... DATE NIGHT CRACKED James A. says My roommate had me declared missing and suicidal while I was up at my aunt and uncle's having Christmas dinner. When I got back to my apartment she had the cops take me to the hospital so she could spend the night fucking her crackhead boyfriend, trashing the apartment, and stealing all my stuff, including my photo album of my son...

TELL US NOW: ROOMMATE DRAMA This is fine. GRACKED Sydney C. witnessed her neighbor's heroic attempts to put out the fire she started: She filled a plastic pitcher with water to throw on the fire, screaming the entire time. Still naked, she let the firefighters in. They had to yell at her to get out. She just chased after them into her bedroom yelling about the fire.
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