Halloween's nearly here, and that means Cracked is once again out to prove that the tales that scared you shitless as a kid could actually kill you as an adult.
Advertisers have been able to sell some pretty terrible stuff. Emphasizing the positives, and downplaying the fact that it kills you goes a long way. We asked you to show us what it might look like if they had to sell stuff that sucks so hard, even the most cynical corporations haven't thought of tricking you into buying it.
If you were lucid in the late 80s and early 90s, you know that most of our information was given to us by way of rap. It's how we learned everything from bike safety to the proper way of making love to police officers. However, there were many other teaching methods that were just as deranged.
Like all well-adjusted individuals, I find myself wishing death upon people nearly constantly. And not people who deserve it like Genghis Khan or Jeffrey Dahmer (mostly because they're already dead) but people who just get under my skin. This raises several questions: Is wishing death justified? Is it productive? And what the hell is wrong with me
The elderly spent their better days fighting for our freedom, only to have the rug pulled out from under them by the rapid advance of technology. We have nothing but sympathy for them, but all their complaining does make you wonder just what it is they think we're up to with our damned gadgetry, and new-fangled hip-bop music.
Christmas cards are usually designed to spread Christmas cheer, while subtly bragging about how well you and the family are doing. We asked you to show us the cards that would ruin Christmas for someone involved in that transaction.
Quiet people face stereotypes too, they just don't have a spokesperson demanding you stop discriminating against them.
When America wanted an action hero as President, they filmed Air Force One. According to the photographs coming out of Russia, the media there just had to follow around the real thing.
It takes a certain breed of person to be a mercenary. And that breed is batshit insane.
It turns out that many of the ways we intuitively believe we're improving our success in the workforce are totally wrong. If you want to get ahead, you'd be better advised to just let yourself go.
What's contained in this article is going to make 80 percent of you want to punch me in the face.
There's a lot of innocent people that can get caught in the searchlights during a hipster hunt, who have perfectly reasonable explanations for why they exhibit some of the classic hipster signs. Like...