Who are these for? It could be kitschy, goofy fun, but then ...
Yep, that's Saddam Hussein. What the hell?
Obeythepurebreed.com, the official website for these fear-mongering pieces of merchandise, walks the fine line between cute humor and the delusional ramblings of a severely touched mind. Here's a sample from the Australian Cattle Dog page:
"The Australian Cattle Dog is a Dictator, bent on world domination. They already rule houses everywhere with an iron paw ..."
Adorable! We see what you did there. Looks like there's more:
"... and have influenced global politics for years."
Wait, what does that even mean?
"When the Australian Cattle Dogs take over, will you be spared as one of the lucky ones?"
You know what, go ahead and kill us first.
This aerosol can of some kind of cold spray was created for those moments in life when your pet lets you know just what he thinks of your new carpet by fire hosing liquid feces all over it. The website description states: "Spray ... Wait 10 seconds ... and a white crusty film solidifies the waste."
Now, it may just be the wording that makes it sound disgusting but having a "White crusty film" materialize over a freshly evacuated mound of shit doesn't immediately pop out at us as anything better then the initial mound of shit.
But, as the testimonials page assures us, " ... it's makes this chore fun (but don't tell my mom that)."
Sure, Kaitlyn A., from Harpers Ferry, WV, we won't tell your mom that you enjoy collecting freeze-dried shit pancakes. We'll let her find out five years from now, after stumbles across your poop fetish website.
Let's face it. Cats are assholes. They do less work per day then your average Cracked writer* yet are twice as stressed out about the lack of work they do. They're little Roman emperors that demand your bidding at a moment's notice, and as their servant you'll comply by buying this vibrating massage mitt. You're going to rub them until they decide you're no longer worthy of their attention, and you're going to like it.
*A nap was taken immediately after that sentence was typed.