Come on military, naming operations shouldn't be complicated. If you can't do it yourself, hire the guy who named Metallica tours in the '80s. We'd bet the troops would feel pretty close to indestructible riding into battle as a part of "Operation Ride the Lighting."

Instead they're asked to rally behind these monuments to self-parody. These are all real names of military operations. And besides the few times we specify otherwise, they're brought to you courtesy of our very own American military. USA! USA!

Operation Viking Snatch

Operation Enduring Freedom

What Was It?

Official name used by the U.S. Government for a military campaign in the global war on terrorism

Sounds Like:

The part of the war on terror that fights against unsightly pantylines.

Operation Elfin Cove

Operation Power Geyser

What Was It?

2005 military security support to the 2005 presidential inauguration.

Sounds Like:

What the liberal half of the nation's collective ass felt like.

Operation Able Warrior

What Was It?

Operation west of Baghdad to disrupt car bombing.

Sounds Like:

"Hey, now, we never claimed to be superior soldiers. Merely adequate."

Operation Operation Rapier Thrust

What Was It?

2004 Iraq mission classified either because of sensitive information or embarrassment by all involved.

Sounds Like:

What happened when they let the gay Ivy Leaguer name the missions.

Operation Seahorse

What Was It?

Mission to deter illicit activity along Iraqi border.

Sounds Like:

"Guys I think I know why they laughed at us for Jaws V. The sea creature we named it after was too damn big."

Operation Focus

What Was It?

Successful mission to find weapons cache in Iraq.

Sounds Like:

The last thing you want to hear the guy diffusing the bomb yell at himself.

Operation Exercise Unified Spirit

What Was It?

Biannual NATO operation trains international forces to work together.

Sounds Like:

It was named at a high school pep rally, and "Operation Good Hustle, Guys" was deemed too casual.

Operation Safe Neighborhood

Operation Beaver Cage

What Was It?

Swift Boat operation in Vietnam.

Sounds Like:

Ladies and gentleman, the results are in and we have a unanimous winner in the category of "military operation most likely to also be a porno catering to a vaguely frightening fringe fetish." However, the Swift Boat captains couldn't compete in the category of "most homoerotic mission name," which went to ...

Operation Mustang Flex

What Was It?

Mission to deny insurgents sanctuary.

Sounds Like:

The fact that this is quite possibly the greatest name for a gay porn star ever concocted, and the implication of horse sex would have made this a shoo-in for "the most frightening name to think about in a sexual context that resists any other thought train" if it weren't for our winner ...

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