The Tikbalang distracts its pursuers by farting Lucky Charms.
The only thing that makes us think this isn't an invention of the furries is the total pictorial absence of female Tikbalangs with disturbingly huge breasts.
How Do We Kill It?
It may not be necessary, since it is possible to avoid the Tikbalang's attention by turning one's clothes inside out. It is probably best not to probe too deeply into the logic behind this. We are, after all, talking about a cigar-smoking horse monster whose favorite pastime is slapping people.
This is the historical version of the Transformers. Thanks to the wondrous adhesive power of excrement, several rats become joined at the tail, combining to form one writhing mass of filth and squeaks that spins through town like a horrendous plague-tipped cartwheel.
In Medieval times, seeing a rat king was taken as a bad omen, which was a bit of a no-brainer, really. You don't have to be Nostradamus to think, "Hmm, I am currently looking at a huge ball of s**t-covered rats slathering a path straight towards my face. I predict that bad things will soon happen."
There are actual specimens of these in museums. The first recorded sighting of a rat king was in 1596. Sightings became rarer in the 1800s, after black rats were supplanted in Europe by their brown cousins, whose tails are presumably too slick with baby tears and the blood of puppies to entwine properly.
A man dances gaily with a stick, unaware of the squeaking terror that stalks him!
How Do We Kill It?
Since rats trapped in this way would eventually die of starvation or dismember themselves in an effort to escape their knot of filth, the best thing to do is just lock your doors and wait inside for the next month or so.
In fact, survival of the rats in such a situation would be so tenuous that most scientists believe the rat king specimens in the museums to be hoaxes, though none of them deny the existence of the one that is RIGHT BEHIND YOU, OH s**t!
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