Thanks to all you out there trying your damnedest to make the holidays nicer for everyone, even in spite of the fact that you're making things worse.
Old-timey Christmas was a strange time, full of alcoholic ghosts and perverted Santas.
The best thing about a burger is how you can pile everything on a patty and just eat the shit out of it -- which is exactly what the $1,770 Glamburger does.
I've learned to recognize certain political equivalents of setups to wrestling finishers, spot moves, and identify other manipulative crowd-pleasing antics.
Be kind to everyone you meet. You never know who is actually an enforcer for a drug dealer or a vampire LARPer.
Never mess with a 13-year-old and his beloved dog.
Although it's a job you never stop to think about, everything you've ever bought, from your smartphone to your sandwich, was sold to you by somebody using a hand model.
Let's face it: A jellyfish is just damp tissue that was granted semi-sentience and is not suitable to gift to anybody, let alone a loved one.
Beats sold four pairs of their Solos headphones every minute of 2013 thanks, in part, to their weight.
What's one way to troll the Nazis? By sending six hilariously inadequate planes to bomb Berlin during their anniversary party.
Keith Olbermann doesn't give a damn.
We talked to a bouncer named Cronk and learned all about terrifying women, Road House, and how everyone is just itching for a fight to happen.