Girl Bakes Dead Grandpa Into Cookies, Feeds Him To Class
Everyone has a different way of grieving over the loss of a loved one. But it's not often that what a person needs to get through the difficult passing of a family member is just a tall glass of milk.
For one teen living in Davis, California, losing her grandpa was a bittersweet experience. Bitter because it's hard to cope with death, sweet because she took his cremated remains and baked them into sugar cookies. In early October (definitely too early for Halloween), two students were handing out cookies at their school, Da Vinci Charter Academy (which probably and now regrettably has a motto about being creative). A fellow student later told the local paper how when he took a bite out of his unnervingly sandy cookie, one of the girls, who had just lost her grandfather, whispered to him that she had added a "secret ingredient." The student was immediately worried that he'd been dosed with some kind of drug, only to then be told that he'd have to worry about digesting a whole different kind of angel dust.
As it turned out, the teen and her friend thought it would be a fitting sendoff for peepaw to add him to the cookies and share them with their friends. All said, at least nine teens ate gritty grandpappy cookies, some having been tricked into it, others volunteering for this once-past-a-lifetime experience. Though it wasn't actually that hard to get your hands on the cremains of this late, not-so-great-tasting man. Previously, the teen had offered one student a handful of the ashes in exchange for switching seats in class. And honestly, from that point on, they really should've expected that any future dealings with her would come with a side of dead grandpa.
After the school found out about the macabre macaroon incident, the police were brought in to open a case against the dead body baker. But because none of the kids got sick, Lt. Paul Doroshov decided to drop it, stating that even if anyone insisted on prosecuting the girl, they wouldn't know what crime to charge her with. Um, what about forced cannibalism? Or does it no longer count as human remains once you burn them that much? If so, does that mean burnt toast no longer qualifies as bread either? Forget the dead grandpa cookies, this girls may have stumbled upon both a fascinating philosophical quandary and a very easy to follow no-carb diet.
For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.
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