This is why we should all live in caves and fight each other with sticks and feces.
Now, I don't want to fear-monger and get you all worked up, so I'll just start by simply saying that, in my professional opinion, all of these things are 100 percent waiting to kill you.
We spoke to a party planner in one of the wealthiest counties in the United States. Here's what she told us ...
Today's public service announcements just can't compete with the batshit PSAs of yesteryear.
If you look to the past, you might find our sensible stomping grounds used to have a lot more flair.
What's the deal with folks like us, huh? Do we eat too much sugar and caffeine? Not get enough sleep or masturbation?
Some textbooks are really, really dumb.
Nonsense to sense does not work like lemons to lemonade.
If you have ever had the plague, no one accused you of faking it to get handicapped parking for your oxen or whatever. Not the case with my particular disease.
Being a celebrity doesn't make you immune from being connected to terrible crimes that permanently change your life.
We spoke to someone who spent years working as a manager in a community for the intellectually disabled to learn about the brutal realities of one of the country's most invisible demographics.