Cracked Archive - News

VICE Is Suing The Government Over A Dog's Genitals

Everyone knows that all dogs are boys anyway.


5 Real Bosses Straight From The Bowels Of Hell

Sometimes you become the CEO because you're really, really evil.


How TurboTax (Secretly) Makes Your Taxes A Nightmare

TurboTax is actually one of the primary reasons doing your taxes sucks so much.


Nashville Newspaper Publishes A Bananapants BS Warning Of Islamic Nuclear Attack

You don’t have to explain to us the tyranny of advertisement over media, but this is ridiculous.


Overlooked News Stories That Deserve Some Attention

Breaking News: Important, interesting things happened.


Hotel's Reopening Ad Is Scarier Than 'The Shining'

What if abandoned hotel, but full of living mannequins?


Fox News Admits Tucker Carlson Isn't To Be Taken Seriously

It's been years in the making, but they've finally said the quiet part out loud.


Mommy England Is Threatening To Take Away Our Tear Gas

We're just not responsible enough to use it.


Aunt Jemima Is Getting A Long Overdue Rebranding

Now someone just has to do something about the football team in Washington.


6 Good Dogs (We Clearly Don't Deserve)

We realize this is a controversial statement, but we're going to come out and say it anyway: dogs are good.


NYPD Gets Weird Poops, Claims Shake Shack 'Poisoned' Them

Get over yourself: They’re conspiring to poison all of us.


How Cops In Other Countries Treat Firearms

Even the reporting of firearm deaths in this country is subpar.


Don't Trash-Talk eBay; They Might Threaten You Mafia-Style

Your grandma's favorite website turned into the CIA-mafia when we weren't looking.


Corporate Execs Are Still Being Greedy Trash During This

Corporate America won't let a little global pandemic slow down executive pay and bonuses.