Ever since the announcement that King Charles III will be appearing on Australian $5 notes, Aussies have been vocal about who they think should really be on their money. The top contender? Crocodile hunter Steve Irwin (yes, seriously). But whether it’s because of an undying love for the late animal expert or a hatred of the British monarchy, one thing is certain: Australians don’t want King Charles on their money. In other news, a man who made bomb threats to Merriam-Webster dictionary company over updated gender pronouns plead guilty in federal court this week. Prosecutors say he threatened “a mass shooting scenario" and said he would kill employees if they did not change their definitions back. And finally, in what can only be described as peak Florida: Governor Ron DeSantis tricked Venezuelan migrant workers onto a plane bound for Martha’s Vineyard so he could stick it to liberals criticizing his treatment of migrants at the southern border. 

Celtic fans sing anti-monarchy song throughout minute's applause for the Queen.

Celtic fans sang an anti-monarchy song during the applause for the Queen at a football match. CocaCoCala Coca-Cola Coca-Cola . Clydesdale Bank Mobile CRACKED.COM Celtic football fans sang if you hate the Royal Family clap your hands through- out a minute's applause in memory of the Queen be- fore their away match against St Mirren.

Sky News 

GoFundMe created for woman arrested for bringing raccoon into North Dakota bar.

A community has rallied to help a woman that was arrested for bringing a raccoon into a bar. CRACKED.COM A family member of the woman arrested for report- edly bringing a raccoon into the Maddock city bar has created a GoFundMe page entitled, Justice for Rocky and help for a fami- ly member.

Inforum 

Harris County Sheriff's Office deputy gets sick after taking drugs he mistook for candy.

A Sheriff's Office deputy got sick after taking drugs he mistook for candy. Berlin balhills o15 STAR MM hert A V CRACKED.COM The drugs, which were re- covered from an apart- ment where no crime had taken place, were colorful in nature and divided into clear plastic baggies and packed in a box.

ABC 

Aggressive turkeys take over Woburn neighborhood.

The turkeys have claimed Woburn. Pray they don't take your neighborhood next. CRACKED.COM The most aggressive one is Kevin, says Meaghan Tolson, a neighbor who has named the aggressive birds. Then there are three ladies ... Esther, Gladys and Patricia.

CBS 

Doctors remove 50 AA and AAA batteries from woman's gut and stomach.

50 AA and AAA batteries were removed from a woman's gut and stomach. Fl O EVE ОСОВОВО S SUPER KODAK DUBAL . KODAK I DUPACER Energizer Energy EVEREADY. - ALL - .. KODAK- DUBA EVEREADY TTE J - me DURACEL DURACE KODAK Food PURACELL' aa II RACELL ACELL GP nen KODAK DU PDO KODAK DURACELL® و inasc DURACELL DURAC Energizer Eners, ODAK - CRACKED GOM 9 SIMPLY HACELE The woman, who was treated at St. Vincent's University Hospital in Dublin, swallowed them in an apparent act of deliberate self-harm.

Live Science 

Woman seriously hurt after Platteville police car she was placed in is hit by train.

Police let their car get hit by a train, with a woman locked in the back seat. 2668 2668 NION SCIEL CRACKED.COM The 20-year-old road rage suspect was seriously in- jured when the parked po- lice patrol vehicle she was detained in was struck by a freight train in northern Colorado.

Colorado Sun 

Family check bank account to find they're $99 billion in debt.

A family found their bank account at negative 99 billion dollars. DE EBT CRACKED.COM The online banking account read -$99,999,999,999.22, which was distressing for the Seattle family. The family worried it would be difficult to access the money their grandmother left for the daughter's college fund.

Newsweek 

'We all make mistakes,' says woman who got bit by an octopus she put on her face.

A woman was bitten by an octopus she put on her face, We all make mistakes she says. CRACKED COM When its beak entered my chin, it was the most intense pain, she said. It felt like ... a barbed hook. If I tried to release it off my face, I knew I was go- ing to tear skin or flesh away.

CBC 

Colorado man arrested on suspicion of riding horse drunk.

A Colorado man was arrested for driving- er horseback riding under the influence. CRACKED.COM Patrick Neal Schumacher was arrested for animal cru- elty, prohibited weapons use, riding a horse while un- der the influence and reck- less endangerment during a 600 mile ride to his broth- er's wedding.

SL Tribune

The first fatal kangaroo attack in 85 years just took place in Australia.

The first fatal kangaroo attack in 85 years just took place in Australia. CRACKED.COM The animal killed a 77-year-old man in south- western Australia in the first fatal attack since 1936. Kangaroos have drawn first blood. If they team up with the emus, it's over for the Aussies.

Fox 10 

Wegmans ends self-checkout app after too much shoplifting.

Self-checkout at Wegmans resulted in so much shoplifting that they're removing it. Wegmans CRACKED.COM The Wegmans SCAN app allowed customers to scan, bag and pay for their items themselves as they shopped - which, no duh, led to wanton theft.

CNN 

'Vindictive' couple deleted hotel chain data for fun.

A couple from Vietnam carried out a destructive cyber-attack against Holiday Inn for fun. 0330 isabrox 12345gwerty ii5UFd491se7 passyord123 CRACKED.COM They accessed the FTSE 100 firm's data- bases thanks to an easily found and weak password, Qw- erty1234, and deleted large amounts of data.

BBC 

Man Lost in Wilderness Nearly Left Behind After Searchers Mistake Distress Calls for 'Hello.'

A search and rescue was almost called off when a man's distress calls were mistaken for hello. CRACKED.COM The real key here is he went like this, Summit County Rescue Group said, waving slowly and casual- ly. The pilot said, 'He's saying hi, he doesn't seem to be in distress,' so they left.

Outsider 

Amateur football teams in Sheffield face punishment for playing after Queen's death.

An amateur football team faces punishment for playing a game after the Queen's death. - FAZZANO 17 CRACKED.COM Two football teams who played the weekend after the Queen died are being investi- gated and will be dealt with in the strongest possible terms. Sports such as horse racing, cricket and rugby continued as planned.

Sky News 

Morrisons 'turns down beeps on checkouts' in response to Queen's death.

A UK supermarket turned down their checkout beeps to half mast in response to the Queen's death. MORRISOIS POLICE FOND EYON CRACKED.COM A spokesperson for Morri- sons said: Our checkout beeps are not off. They have just been turned down as our music and tannoy announcements have been switched off in stores.

Yorkshire Post

Take a poop to 'assert ownership' during eviction, says Vancouver city council candidate.

A Vancouver city council candidate said landlords should poop in their tenant's bathrooms to assert ownership. CRACKED.COM In Morning Lee's YouTube video, he instructs property owners that are dealing with a malicious, bad tenant to pretend to be prospective buyers to gain access to the home and then take a dook- ie in the toilet.

Vancouver is Awesome

Nursing home hires a stripper to entertain their seniors in wheelchairs.

A nursing home hired strippers to entertain their wheelchair bound tenants. CRACKED.COM The government-run fa- cility for retired soldiers in Taiwan hired the adult performer for a sensual performance to com- memorate the Mid-Au- tumn Festival.

Infidel Pro

Avalanche of sex toys spill out onto highway after truck flips over.

An 'avalanche' of sex toys and lube spilled onto a highway after a truck flipped. CRACKED.COM A box truck and a semi truck collided on the outskirts of Oklahoma City, leaving the semi overturned and the roadway covered in unmentionables.

Newsweek

‘Complete set of undergarments’ required for execution witnesses, Alabama officials say.

Alabama prison officials are reiterating that a 'full set' of undergarments are required to witness executions. CRACKED.COM The guidelines go on to say All dresses, skirts, and pants shall extend below the knee (females only). Splits/Slits must be knee length or lower (females only), and shirts must cover the chest and waist.

CBS 

A new, genetically modified purple tomato may hit the grocery market stands.

A genetically engineered, purple tomato is ready to hit the grocery stores. CRACKED.COM The tomurple (our name for it) has health benefits and a longer shelf life than red tomatoes. The antho- cyanins that were bred into these tomatoes are the same found in blackberries and eggplants.

CNN 

Police were called to a Dairy Queen in Delmont for a man with a gun wearing a clown wig.

A gun waving clown that claimed to work for Trump was arrested at a Dairy Queen. CRACKED.COM Jan Stawovy took a loaded gun into the Dairy Queen, wearing a yellow safety vest and rainbow clown wig. Не told police he was working to restore Trump to president king of the United States.

CBS 

Chess world rocked by rumours of anal beads and artificial intelligence.

Everyone thinks a chess grandmaster used vibrating anal beads to cheat. CRACKED.COM World chess champion Magnus Carlsen withdrew from a tournament after an unexpected defeat from Hans Niemann, who some internet jokesters have ac- cused of using anal beads connected to an AI.

Metro 

Migrants Flown to Martha's Vineyard Say They Were Misled.

Gov. Ron DeSantis tricked migrant workers onto a plane to Martha's Vineyard to own the libs. CRACKED.COM The Venezuelan asy- lum-seekers were told there would be employ- ment opportunities if they boarded the plane. Many of them had hearings in states thousands of miles away in just a few days.

NY Times

Man who threatened Merriam Webster dictionary over updated gender pronouns pleads guilty.

The man who threatened a dictionary over updated gender pronouns pleaded guilty. Merriam- Webster GRAGKED.COM The disgruntled man made bomb threats and threatened to kill the Merriam-Webster company's employees in a mass shooting because of the update to their definitions of gender pronouns.

ABC 

Australians want Steve Irwin on their money and not King Charles.

Australians don't want King Charles on their money, they want Steve Irwin. GRACKED.COM The Australian Nation- al Bank announced that King Charles III will appear on their $5 notes, to which the Aussies responded, Yeah, nah.

Indy100 

Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.

Forgot Password?