Cracked Archive - News
What Happened This Week (In 2017)
With so many news sources shouting for your attention, it's hard to figure out what's truly important.
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- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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339
339 Who Is The Culprit Behind The Sephora Eyeshadow Caper?
Apparently, there was a trail of little glittery footprints in the wake of the eyeshadow attack.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 38
Set Your Ovens To 420: There's A Cheetos Turkey Recipe
The jig is up: Reynolds knows we're all going to be absolutely baked this Thanksgiving.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 12
Designer Pasta Means Rich People Have Run Out Of Ideas
I don't understand how you can make dried pasta gourmet.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 14
The ACLU Should Use Truck Nuts As A Free Speech Precedent
I'm not some kind of fancy city lawyer, but if you can apply this law to a bumper sticker, what of truck nuts?
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 80
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Affleck Seems To Think It's Ok To Joke About Harassment Now
Powerful men are accustomed to a certain amount of formulaic lenience.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- Comments
- 86
What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/19/2017)
Sexy comes in many different, subjective flavors.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 136
The 6 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/14/17)
We follow the news, so you don't have to.
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- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- Comments
- 350
Are Gorillas Using Tinder Now? Spoilers: No, They're Not
As adorable as this video is, it's important to remember that gorilla body language doesn't always translate well to humans.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 11
There's Gourmet Sushi For Dogs (Who Lick Their Own Butts)
Dogs need a lot of love, cuddles, food, and occasionally, for their owner to clean poop off their butt fur.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 7
The BBC Quoted A Hardcore Porn Website's Anti-Trump Tweet
I'm offended by the implication that hardcore porn sites can't have political opinions.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 14
Smart Hannity Fans Smash Their Own Coffee Makers In Protest
You know what really triggers liberals? When you destroy your own expensive property.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- Comments
- 86
What Stupid News About Millennials Is There Now? (11/14/17)
Millennials don't deserve the rap they get.
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- By Tim Hawkman, Chris Pauls
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- 378
Pepsi Releases New Salted Caramel Flavor. Uh, You Ok Guys?
Pepsi. Buddy. Sit down. We need to talk.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- Comments
- 122
Are Aliens Leaving Wooden Wieners In The Alps?
Imagine the effort that went into this dong.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- Comments
- 48
