Cracked Archive - News
Just When We Thought Easter Candy Couldn't Get Worse: Salmonella
The only thing worse than those nasty Robin Eggs: foodborne disease.
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- By Eli Yudin
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0 Obnoxious YouTube "Prankster" Is Getting Sued, Nice
Remember that time Borat screamed at someone and pushed them down in a supermarket?
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- By Eli Yudin
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NYC Mayor Eric Adams Has COVID, Because Of Course He Does
The novel coronavirus loves nothing more than infecting a big-time weirdo.
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- By Eli Yudin
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We're Really Sending More Rich Guys Into Space Right Now
Let us know how it is up there! If we're still alive!
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- By Eli Yudin
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The Navy Decided $4.5 Billion Worth Of Ships Suck And They Need New Ones
This ship is like 8 years old! All the kids at the war will make fun of me!
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- By Eli Yudin
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Alex Jones Can't Stop Sabotaging His Own Court Case
You have the right to remain very, extremely, incredibly loud.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Apparently 99% Of Air Is Now Unhealthy To Breathe
Gas mask stocks to the moon!
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- By Eli Yudin
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Google And Bosses Everywhere Want You Back Wasting Time In Person
You have to drive 45 minutes so you can sit and sigh on OUR toilets!
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- By Eli Yudin
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Amazon Goes Full Orwell With List Of Banned Words Among Workers
I'm concerned about the ethics of this. Oops, I mean I'm REDACTED about the REDACTED of this.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Elon Musk, Twitter's Lamest User, Is Now Its Biggest Shareholder
Get ready for an absolutely EPIC buyout, le memelords!
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- By Eli Yudin
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Amazon Workers Voted To Unionize, So They're Probably Drone Targets
Bezos is slamming a big red button on his desk marked "eliminate union."
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- By Eli Yudin
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Bruce Willis Has Aphasia: Here's What That Means.
A mental illness plucked directly from your nightmares.
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- By Eli Yudin
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A Kid Got $90000 For Not Saying The Pledge Of Allegiance
If this kid doesn't say the weird America prayer I'll turn this school around!
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- By Eli Yudin
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Eric Adams Solved Homelessness By Throwing Away Their Stuff
If I throw away their tent they will simply fade away, surely!
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- By Eli Yudin
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No, Children Aren't Pooping In Litterboxes At School
Today, in "things we truly deeply shouldn't even have to address."
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- By Eli Yudin
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