Cracked Archive - News
5 Actual Critical Race Theory Math Problems For Florida To Ban
Here you go! Ban your nasty little hearts out!
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- By Eli Yudin
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42 Drunk Airplane Idiot Gets Punched By Mike Tyson
You could not be messing with the wronger guy.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Eric Adams Wants Metal Detectors In The NYC Subway, Good Luck With That
Hello? Metal detector store? Yeah, I'm looking for like... 1500 metal detectors I'm going to have to turn off in a week.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Alex Jones Is Filing For Bankruptcy: We Love To See It
This news... this news fills me with a deep satisfaction.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Ukraine May Have Sunk A Russian Ship Carrying A Piece Of Jesus' Cross
This is also, coincidentally, the plot of the next Uncharted game.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Elon Musk Is Trying To Buy Twitter Because He Sucks At It
You can't own me if I already own you!
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- By Eli Yudin
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New York Citizens Like Zack Did What The NYPD Couldn’t
Broken cameras and radios set to the wrong frequency didn't protect us.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Krispy Kreme's "Inflation Special" Is Bumming Me Out
Thanks for subsidizing the food for my emotional breakdown, I guess.
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- By Eli Yudin
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3 Theories On What This Weird Store Full Of Mayonnaise Is
That's a lot of mayonnaise.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Just When We Thought Easter Candy Couldn't Get Worse: Salmonella
The only thing worse than those nasty Robin Eggs: foodborne disease.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Obnoxious YouTube "Prankster" Is Getting Sued, Nice
Remember that time Borat screamed at someone and pushed them down in a supermarket?
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- By Eli Yudin
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NYC Mayor Eric Adams Has COVID, Because Of Course He Does
The novel coronavirus loves nothing more than infecting a big-time weirdo.
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- By Eli Yudin
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We're Really Sending More Rich Guys Into Space Right Now
Let us know how it is up there! If we're still alive!
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- By Eli Yudin
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The Navy Decided $4.5 Billion Worth Of Ships Suck And They Need New Ones
This ship is like 8 years old! All the kids at the war will make fun of me!
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- By Eli Yudin
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Alex Jones Can't Stop Sabotaging His Own Court Case
You have the right to remain very, extremely, incredibly loud.
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- By Eli Yudin
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