25 News Briefs That Broke Our News

The straight-only MAGA dating app is all dudes.
25 News Briefs That Broke Our News

There's always at least one in every election. The candidate who does something so outrageous, you can't help but question their judgement. This time, it's GOP candidate Kari Lake and her “Secure Our Border” ad campaign, which used … Russian troops. And people are not happy. But this isn't the only recent story of people in positions of power doing dumb things (not that anyone expects we'll run out of those stories any time soon, of course). CEO Andrew Thorburn faced criticism for his role as chairman of a conservative church that compares abortion rates to the Holocaust-- a position he held for exactly one day after public outcry, before resigning from his job as boss of National Australia Bank. He claims it was intolerant to criticize him in the first place. And, for the last installment of bizareness we'll cover here, Far Cry 6 is releasing a $120 “Game of the Year” edition despite not winning “Game of the Year." The GOTY bundle includes ‘Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon’ as well as an upcoming expansion and existing DLC, even though virtually no one would consider the game as one of 2021’s best according to awards given out thus far… What gives? 

Wichita man arrested for public intoxication after hanging on back of semi for over 100 miles

A Wichita man held onto the back of a semi as it traveled for 130 miles. H SCHNEISER CRACKED.COM Dustin Slocum was ar- rested for public intoxi- cation and joyriding. A former landlord said, Yeah, that's him. That's the kind of stuff he would do.

Kake / YouTube

Fugitive arrested after applying for job with Hudson County Sheriff’s Office.

A fugitive was arrested after she applied for a job with the Sheriff's office. CRACKED.COM She was wanted in Penn- sylvania for failure to ар- pear in court on charges of fraud and an additional 10 bench warrants for failure to appear in court on traf- fic charges in Jersey City.

NJ.com / Wikipedia

Pro-Trump Rally-Goers Blame Mysterious Bogeymen for Latest Event Flop.

Low attendance at a pro-Trump rally was blamed on a mysterious forces. KEEP AMERICA GREAT! ER AVERICA GREAT! - A GRACKED.COM Right-wing speaker and lawyer Deborah Weiss blamed the low num- bers on e-invites being directed to spam fold- ers by unnamed, sinister figures.

Yahoo / Unsplash

Joe Biden was recorded on a “hot mic” saying, “No one fucks with a Biden.”

Joe Biden was caught on a hot mic saying No one fucks with a Biden. CRACKED.COM The moment came as the president was speaking with Fort Myers Beach May- or Ray Murphy as he visited the city to survey part of the devastation left in the wake of Hurricane lan.

Snopes / Wikipedia

Straight-only MAGA dating app launches and – shock – it’s ‘just men’

The straight-only MAGA dating app is all dudes. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN CRACKED.COM The Right Stuff, founded by former Trump staff and backed by Paypal co-found- er Peter Thiel, is having trouble finding all the con- servative women supposed- ly featured in their total- ly-not-scripted video pitch.

PinkNews / Wikipedia

Republicans called Biden's infrastructure program 'socialism.' Then they asked for money.

Republicans are asking Biden for money in an infrastructure plan they branded as socialism. CRACKED.COM The infrastructure law, re- ferred to as President Biden's multi-trillion dollar socialist wish list by one GOP representative, is more appealing in private than they would admit in public.

CNN / YouTube

TwitchCon guest claims she broke her back at event: 'The most painful thing I've seen.'

A TwitchCon attendee broke her back in two places when she jumped into a foam pit. CRACKED.COM Adult film actress Adri- ana Chechik was injured when she dove off a raised platform, butt first, into the pit of foam cubes barely covering the con- crete floor below.

Yahoo / Wikimedia

Japan suspect bag turns out to be ‘adult goods’.

An unattended briefcase spotted at a cemetery was thought to be a bomb, but was adult goods instead. CRACKED.COM A team of police explo- sives experts in Japan rushed to the scene of a suspicious package in a parking lot this week - only to find discarded sex toys inside.

MB / Wikipedia

Enoch Burke moved to new jail cell for his own safety as he is ‘annoying other prisoners’.

An Irish inmate had to be moved to a new jail cell because he was annoying other prisoners. CRACKED.COM The school teacher was jailed for breaching a court order to stay away from school when he wouldn't respect a student's pre- ferred pronouns, so suffice it to say he's probably su- per annoying.

Independent / Unsplash

$1.5 million floating home prototype sinks into the water at unveiling.

A $1.5 million floating home prototype capsized immediately after being unveiled. GRACKED.COM The SeaPod by Ocean Builders features 300 square feet of living space and air filled steel tubes that results in buoyancy-or at least, they should.

Unilad / Wikipedia

Trespassing fan tackled by Rams Bobby Wagner files police report

A protestor that ran onto the field during a Rams game filed a police report after he got clobbered. CRACKED.COM The fan filed a police report with the Santa Clara Police Depart- ment for the blatant assault perpetrated by Bobby Wagner and Takk McKinley.

KNBR / Wikipedia

Man uses mouse trap to steal checks from drop box in Whitehaven.

A man is wanted after using a mouse trap to steal checks from an apartment complex dropbox. VICTOR R GRAGKED.COM The man peeped through the latch to see if anything was inside. Не then went back to his car, grabbed a mouse trap, and stuck it in- side the slot, stealing two checks.

Fox / Unsplash

6 Women In Neon Green Leotards Attack 2 New York Subway Riders.

Two NY subway riders were attacked by a mob of women in green screen suits. CRACKED.COM The two victims were physically assaulted by the bodysuit-wearing gaggle of subterranean terrors in an attack that lasted sever- al minutes and ended with a missing cellphone and handbag.

Yahoo / Pexels

Inmate in Georgia’s maximum security prison accused of impersonating billionaires to steal millions.

An inmate at a Georgia maximum security prison stole millions by pretending to be a billionaire. CRACKED.COM Arthur Lee Cofield Jr. as- sumed the identity of Cali- fornia billionaire Sidney Kimmel and stole $11 million from her Charles Schwab account and converted them to 6,106 American Ea- gle one-ounce gold coins.

AJC / Wikipedia

Man takes rescue camel to In-N-Out drive-thru in Las Vegas for fries.

A rescue camel was used to get In-N-Out drive-thru in Vegas. CRACKED.COM The handler said the camel is a rescue from Colorado that now lives in a sanctuary in the Las Vegas area and loves to eat french fries.

ABC / YouTube

A Disgruntled Tourist Smashed Two 2,000-Year-Old Statues in the Vatican.

An American tourist destroyed two ancient Roman statues in the Vatican. CRACKED.COM The 50-year-old be- came enraged when he was denied a meeting with the Pope, knock- ing over one bust and sending another to the floor as he fled.

ArtNet / Wikipedia

Far Cry 6 GOTY Edition Will Somehow Cost $120 Despite Getting Almost No Awards

Far Cry 6 is releasing a $120 Game of the Year edition, despite not winning Game of the Year. CRACKED.COM The GOTY bundle includes 'Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon' as well as an upcoming expan- sion and existing DLC, even though virtually no one would consider the game as one of 2021's best.

Kotaku / Wikipedia

CEO complains about intolerance after being criticized for being chairman of a church that preaches intolerance.

A CEO complained that it's intolerance to criticize him for being the chairman of an intolerant church. CRACKED.COM Andrew Thorburn served as the boss of National Australia Bank for exactly one day after criticism of his role as chairman of the conservative church that compares abortion rates to the Holocaust.

The Age / Wikimedia

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