Cracked Archive - News
Sen. Lindsey Graham: 'I Will Go To War' For Chick-fil-A
“I want everyone in South Carolina and across America to know I have Chick fil-A’s back,” he wrote.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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32
32 Report: Trump-Branded 'Freedom Phone' May Actually Be Budget Device From Asia
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, a MAGA phone?
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- By Carly Tennes
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- 27
Dogecoin's Co-Founder Says Crypto Is Like A Pyramid Scheme
Doge's co-creator doesn't feel "very wow" about the crypto he helped invent.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 4
Ding-Dong Central Shoehorns The Free Britney Movement Into Their Nonsense
The #FreeBritney movement has a whole host of wacky new "supporters."
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- By Carly Tennes
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- Comments
- 9
Australian Prime Minister Denies Pooping His Pants At McDonalds
Poop happens ... or does it?
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 10
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Microsoft Threatens To Bring Back Clippy
Our favorite aggressively altruistic anthropomorphic paperclip may soon rise from Microsoft's vast graveyard of defunct features to annoy us once again.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 8
President Joe Biden Taps Throwback Thirst Traps, Teen Superstar Olivia Rodrigo, To Get Us Out Of This Mess
Presidential thirst traps are the new PSAs.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 6
A Woman Single-Handedly Recorded 40,000 VHS News Tapes
For more than 30 years, Marion Stokes spent her life preserving media reports in the hopes of combating fake news.
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- By Zanandi Botes
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- 3
Job Applicants Are Now Expected To Be Elle Woods Applying to Harvard With TikTok's New Resume Feature
"What, like *it's hard?" (it's being making a 1-3 minute custom video reiterating your professional experiences for a particular position)
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 8
Gyms In South Korea's Capital Barred From Playing Fast Workout Music
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 9
Move Over, Tide Pods: Dentists Warn Against TikTok Trend of Using Magic Eraser For Whitening Teeth
Please, please, please don't do this.
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- By Carly Tennes
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- 15
Burger King Workers Quit En Masse Via The Restaurant's Front Sign
Mass resignations -- have it your way!
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 23
Heinz Launches Petition For Hot Dogs and Buns To Come In Equal Numbered Packs
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 20
FBI Seizes Lego U.S. Capitol From Home Of IRL U.S. Capitol Dingus
It seems one alleged insurrectionist just couldn't LEGO of his desire to seize the Capitol.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- Comments
- 16
Zack Snyder Is Making His Own Knockoff Version of 'Star Wars'
"In a universe quite a ways from here ..." -- Rebel Moon's opening text, probably.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 12
