Cracked Archive - News
Man Dies From Eating Too Much Licorice Because, Well, Murphy's Law
Are you one of those certifiably weird people that actually like licorice? We've got some bad news, people.
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- By Carly Tennes
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23 Guy Who Claims To Be Second Coming of Christ Arrested In Russia
The second coming of Christ as an ex-traffic cop was not on my 2020 bingo, but here we are I guess.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Dolly Parton's 'Jolene' Works As A Stealth Lesbian Love Song
Seriously folks, that Jolene is one fine looking gal.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Who Is Responsible For The First Selfie? A Scientific Investigation
Seriously, is it Reese Witherspoon? Some dead guy from the 1800s? My mom?
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- By Carly Tennes
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Asbestos, Canada Struggles to Find a Name Better Than 'Asbestos'
Intercourse, Pennsylvania has some stiff competition.
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- By Carly Tennes
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The Mods of New Jersey's Official Twitter Account Deserves A Raise
Yes, the northeastern state of New Jersey, lovingly dubbed 'The Armpit of America' has a crackerjack Twitter.
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- By Carly Tennes
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5 Recent News Stories Which Wound Up Having Bizarre Twists
Stories keep evolving, revealing layer after layer of weirdness.
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- By Ryan Menezes
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Flights To Nowhere Are Now A Thing Because 2020
All the stress of air travel, without any of the vacation destinations!
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- By Carly Tennes
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The Actual Reason Costco's Hot Dog And Soda Combo Is $1.50
Several billion years from now, a hot dog and a soda will cost $1.50 at Costco.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg Played Fantasy Baseball (And Talked Trash)
Even RBG had her savage moments, especially when it came to fantasy sports.
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- By Carly Tennes
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A Bunny Expert Classifying Rabbits Is Oddly Hypnotic, Wholesome
Sometimes you just gotta watch a calm man talk about the roundness of little bunnies.
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- By Carly Tennes
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'Hype Houses' Are Just Zoomer Communes
I'll take 'Late-Stage Capitalism' for 500, Alex.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Broke Rat-Man Chuck E. Cheese Seeks To Destroy 7 Billion Prize Tickets
That's almost enough for one large stuffed animal!
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- By Carly Tennes
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Taco Bell Now Sells 'Jalapeño Noir' Wine Because Reality Is Melting
There's so much to taco 'bout here, folks.
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- By Carly Tennes
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In 2020, Everybody Working From Home Is 'BBC Dad'
There are two kinds of people in the world --- those who have had a Robert Kelly moment since working remotely, and liars.
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- By Carly Tennes
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