Cracked Archive - News
Priest Gets Caught Having a Threesome On The Altar Of His Church, Getting More Than Most of Us These Days
Do you think they called him 'father' or 'daddy?'
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- By Carly Tennes
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34 Stripper Voting Campaign 'Get Your Booty To The Poll' Aims to Encourage Voting
As Stephen Colbert put it, 'that, my friends, is democracy at twerk.'
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- By Carly Tennes
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- 28
Japan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi)
Time to go drown our sorrows in a Luigi soda, folks.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Reporters Keep Quoting Fake Van Halen Interview (Whoops)
Journalists, they're just like your grandma on Facebook!
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- By Carly Tennes
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Friendly Reminder That Kellyanne Conway's Daughter Is Still A Kid
To steal a quote from that one guy from 2007, leave Claudia alone.
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- By Carly Tennes
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- 39
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'Sweater Guy' Ken Bone Is Not Someone To Listen To In 2020
Ken Bone is back, and as undecided as ever.
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- By Carly Tennes
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- 41
Prisoners Forced To Listen To 'Baby Shark' For Hours as Punishment
It's an inhuman punishment, doot doot doo doot doot doo.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Gay Twitter Is Taking Over the Proud Boys Hashtag
Finally, a news story that is actually all sunshine and rainbows.
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- By Carly Tennes
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- 47
Concerts in 2020 Are About To Be So Weird
Roblox isn't just for Lil Pump videos anymore.
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- By Carly Tennes
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And Now, Compelling Evidence Shrek Is Secretly Jewish
Time to send Shrek an early invite to your Hanukkah Zoom call.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Because Of Google, The Internet Thinks A Random Woman Is Jeff Bezos
Despite what Google says, this woman is definitely not Jeff Bezos.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Trump's Diagnosis Could Unleash Amendment Mostly Used for Presidential Colonoscopies
So far, the 25th Amendment has only been invoked for, well, uncomfortable situations.
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- By Carly Tennes
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- 63
New Zealand Prime Minister Says She Smoked Weed, Nobody Cares
BRB, going to add Jacinda Ardern to a list of people we'd love to smoke with ...
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- By Carly Tennes
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Subway's Bread Isn't Actually Bread, Irish Court Rules
Not all bread rises to the occasion, at least according to a court in Ireland.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Couple Breaks Up Over Cans of Beans, Because 2020
Some relationships just aren't meant to be(an).
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- By Carly Tennes
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