Cracked Archive - News
With Jupiter Passing So Close To Earth, It's Time To Attack
We must strike while the iron is close.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
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7
7 5 Spooky Quick Ways To Get In The Fall Spirit
Time to go on a hayride and absolutely decimate my upper buttcrack with tiny scratches!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 2
The Plan To Bomb Target Stores (To Make Money In The Stock Market)
Florida man strikes again.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
- Published
- Comments
- 1
In California, Police Use Nunchucks
May result in some self-inflicted broken noses.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
- Published
- Comments
- 10
I'm Skipping Your Gender Reveal Out Of Respect For The Queen
It's important that we honor her memory and that is the only reason.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 8
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Calm Down About Chicken Sandwiches, People
No way! Fried chicken and bread are finally together??
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 12
Bed Bath & Beyond Is The Latest Meme Stock Short Squeeze
Either that, or the world supply of body oil has gone completely dry.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 5
Blake Masters: Peter Thiel's Political Pet Project
If I win the election can I call you dad?
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 12
China's New "Henipavirus" That I Think I Will Just Let Take Me
I've been running for so, so long. Maybe it's finally time to rest.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 14
Dr. Oz' Journey From Snake Oil Salesman To Senate Carpetbagger
Pennsylvania could be the first state with an "energy healing" based healthcare system!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 15
A Billionaire Offered $180 Million To Whichever Man Marries His Lesbian Daughter
Ten years on, no man's grabbed the prize.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
- Published
- Comments
- 10
Alex Jones Still Has No Idea What Freedom Of Speech Is
He duct-taped his mouth shut today, but somehow STILL found a way to be annoying.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 29
Nobody Ever "Wants" To Work, You Idiots
It seems like no one wants to contract the black lung mining for coal anymore!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 25
Sticky Kids Everywhere Mourn Loss Of Choco Taco
Those little orange-handed gremlins lost a lot today.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 4
5 Perfect Gifts For A Baby's First Birthday
You could give them a onesie... or you could change their life.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 6
