{"error":false,"contents":"
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Gyms In South Korea's Capital Barred From Playing Fast Workout Music<\/a><\/h2>

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Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 9 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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Move Over, Tide Pods: Dentists Warn Against TikTok Trend of Using Magic Eraser For Whitening Teeth<\/a><\/h2>

Please, please, please don't do this.<\/p>

Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 15 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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Burger King Workers Quit En Masse Via The Restaurant's Front Sign<\/a><\/h2>

Mass resignations -- have it your way!<\/p>

Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 23 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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Heinz Launches Petition For Hot Dogs and Buns To Come In Equal Numbered Packs<\/a><\/h2>

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Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 20 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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FBI Seizes Lego U.S. Capitol From Home Of IRL U.S. Capitol Dingus<\/a><\/h2>

It seems one alleged insurrectionist just couldn't LEGO of his desire to seize the Capitol.<\/p>

Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 16 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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Zack Snyder Is Making His Own Knockoff Version of 'Star Wars'<\/a><\/h2>

\"In a universe quite a ways from here ...\" -- Rebel Moon's opening text, probably.<\/p>

Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 12 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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Trump Sues Facebook, Twitter, Google, Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey Over Allegations of Social Media Censorship<\/a><\/h2>

Wow! Who could have possibly seen this coming?<\/p>

Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 50 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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Parents of Children Named Alexa Beg Amazon to Change Home Assistant's Name<\/a><\/h2>

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Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 39 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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The Onion Predicted The U.S. Military Would Leave Afghanistan In The Middle of the Night Ten Years Ago<\/a><\/h2>

The psychics at 'The Onion' strike again!<\/p>

Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 18 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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Police Officer Blasts Taylor Swift's Music To Keep Protester's Video Off Social Media<\/a><\/h2>

Ugh<\/p>

Authors<\/dt>
By Carly Tennes <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 26 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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Getting Back To Normal At Your Own Pace Is Okay: Lessons From A Warzone<\/a><\/h2>

IEDs and snipers are indeed different from infectious diseases, but the mental toll they can have on us is oddly similar, given what I'm seeing.<\/p>

Authors<\/dt>
By Cristian Ramirez <\/a> <\/dd>
Published<\/dt>
Comments<\/dt>
\"Comments\" 19 <\/dd> <\/dl> <\/div> <\/article>
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