Cracked Archive - News
How Not To Get Away With Murder: Glenn Helzer And The Children Of Thunder
For a guy who wanted to create a tranquil world full of peace and joy, Glenn Helzer sure killed a lot of people.
- Authors
- By Dan Fritschie
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- Comments
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3 How Not To Get Away With Murder: Melanie Maguire And Floating Suitcases
Protip: use incognito mode when browsing for helpful murder tips.
- Authors
- By Dan Fritschie
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How Not To Get Away With Murder: Joel Guy, Jr. And His Murder Instructions
Today we visit the intersection of incredibly evil and incredibly stupid.
- Authors
- By Dan Fritschie
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- 4
The Rise And Fall Of Tennessee's Crack Tax
Pay $3.50 for each gram of illegal marijuana you smoke, they said.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
- Published
- Comments
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With Jupiter Passing So Close To Earth, It's Time To Attack
We must strike while the iron is close.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- 7
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5 Spooky Quick Ways To Get In The Fall Spirit
Time to go on a hayride and absolutely decimate my upper buttcrack with tiny scratches!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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The Plan To Bomb Target Stores (To Make Money In The Stock Market)
Florida man strikes again.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
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- Comments
- 1
In California, Police Use Nunchucks
May result in some self-inflicted broken noses.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
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- Comments
- 10
I'm Skipping Your Gender Reveal Out Of Respect For The Queen
It's important that we honor her memory and that is the only reason.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Calm Down About Chicken Sandwiches, People
No way! Fried chicken and bread are finally together??
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- 12
Bed Bath & Beyond Is The Latest Meme Stock Short Squeeze
Either that, or the world supply of body oil has gone completely dry.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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Blake Masters: Peter Thiel's Political Pet Project
If I win the election can I call you dad?
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 12
China's New "Henipavirus" That I Think I Will Just Let Take Me
I've been running for so, so long. Maybe it's finally time to rest.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- 14
Dr. Oz' Journey From Snake Oil Salesman To Senate Carpetbagger
Pennsylvania could be the first state with an "energy healing" based healthcare system!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 15
A Billionaire Offered $180 Million To Whichever Man Marries His Lesbian Daughter
Ten years on, no man's grabbed the prize.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
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- 10
