John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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13 Headlines We Plugged Into Our Brains Like A Baker’s Dozen Of Na’vi Neural Whips

13 Headlines We Plugged Into Our Brains Like A Baker’s Dozen Of Na’vi Neural Whips

Ah, the news. Where would we be without it? It's the one thing that can always be relied upon to keep us entertained, informed, and, occasionally, completely and utterly baffled. From the weird to the wonderful, the news often brings us stories that are so strange, they could almost be too weird to be true.

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In this collection of curious, strange, and sometimes downright bizarre stories, we have compiled a list of 13 news items that might make you shake your head in disbelief. From officers shooting people by mistake to children breaching White House security, these stories may leave you wondering what the world is coming to.This list is dedicated to those stories that are so weird, they almost seem too good to be true. These stories will make you laugh, cry, and, most of all, scratch your head in bewilderment.

So, without further ado, here are 13 news stories very nearly too weird to be true. Enjoy.

Ohio man: wildebeest, hot tubs, and a zoo?

CRACKED AN OHIO MAN INVESTED HEAVILY, AND ILLEGALLY, IN WILDEBEEST. An Ohio man was caught using over $300,000 of public funds to buy wildebeest, hot tubs, and a zoo by the side of the road in 2020. Yeah. By the way, he got five years of jail for that.

WPDE 

Officer shoots man by mistake.

CRACKED COP ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS MAN WHILE PUTTING AWAY GUN. STOP OLICE A police officer in Philadelphia's Germantown neighborhood shot a man by mistake while trying to put away his gun. The officer has been put on leave while an internal investigation is carried out.

6 ABC 

Officials' disturbing plans revealed.

CRACKED OKLAHOMA OFFICIALS DAYDREAM OF LYNCH MOBS. IDABEL HISTORIC Heart IDABEL There's been uproar in McCurtain County, Oklahoma, after a recording of county officials talking about killing journalists and lynching Black people was made public. People are calling for the officials to resign. That would be a great first step!

ABC 

DoorDash: Caring for Drivers?

CRACKED DOORDASH ASKED A WORKER'S WIFE TO FINISH THE JOB AFTER A CAR ACCIDENT. Will you be able to complete the order? Received now My husband is in the emergency room Delivered now No In April 2023, a DoorDash driver in Texas got into a car accident while working and had to be taken to the hospital. Even though his wife was with him in the ER, DoorDash still asked her to finish the delivery.

Newsweek 

"Alien invasion" panic in Tampa, courtesy of Taylor Swift.

CRACKED PEOPLE THOUGHT A TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT WAS AN ALIEN INVASION. Taylor Swift's concert in Tampa, Florida caused a lot of confusion among people living nearby. They thought the stage lights were from an alien invasion, and videos of their reactions went viral on TikTok.

Geartape / SyFy 

Angry man jailed for threats.

CRACKED A GUY THREATENED THE GOVERNOR OVER SEXUAL SEMANTICS. In April 2023, a 34-year-old was given a one-year jail sentence for sending threatening messages to Disney, CA Governor Gavin Newsom, and a New York rabbi, among others. This was after he read the definition of female and got angry.

KTVQ 

Child breaches White House security.

CRACKED A LITTLE KID SLIPPED THROUGH WHITE HOUSE SECURITY. A young child managed to get past the White House fence and was quickly found by Secret Service officers. This caused the security systems to go off, and the area was closed off for a short time. Anyway, the whole thing sure instills confidence.

NPR 

Married or not, Michigan and Mississippi don't approve.

CRACKED IT'S ILLEGAL IN 2 US STATES FOR UNMARRIED COUPLES TO LIVE TOGETHER. Michigan and Mississippi are the only two states that have laws that don't allow people who aren't married to live together. This was, amusingly, found in a study done by the Senate Fiscal Agency in 2016.

Newsweek 

"Champagne of beers" not allowed.

CRACKED BELGIUM JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT MILLER HIGH LIFE. HIGH LIFE Miller HIGH LIFE ESTD 1903 ESTO 1903 ESTO 1903 HIGHLFF - W Miller Miller Miller Milk Miller HIGH LIFE HIGH LIFE HIGH L HIGH LIFE HIGH LIFE HIGH LIFE The Champagne of Bees The Belgian government got rid of over two thousand cans of Miller High Life beer because it was advertised as The Champagne of Beers, which isn't allowed, since Champagne is a protected name. They considered the nickname to be illegal.

Insider 

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John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

Authors
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Published
Comments
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