13 Headlines That Tenderized Our Grey Matter Like A High-End Handcrafted Marble Meat Mallet
![13 Headlines That Tenderized Our Grey Matter Like A High-End Handcrafted Marble Meat Mallet](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/5/1/0/896510_320x180.jpg)
Welcome to the weird world: a place where Sheriff Bilal’s pay-raise-for-me-and-my-friends plan backfired, a waitress was fired for spicing up drinks with her own blood, and an Air National Guard member was arrested for mistaking a joke website for a real hitman service.
Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.
The weird world is full of strange and unexpected occurrences, from 19 Montanans thinking they found a natural spring only to discover it was a bacteria-filled creek, to Kid Rock supporting transphobia, one seltzer at a time. We’ve also seen a deputy rewarded for a fatal mistake, Arnold Schwarzenegger digging himself into a hole, and a man dying in jail after being attacked by bugs.
We’ve seen the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints get away with not reporting child sex abuse thanks to the "clergy-penitent privilege" loophole, the Dalai Lama apologize for a comment he made to a boy, and a guy in Oregon throw away $200K in hopes of blessing strangers.
And finally, we’ve seen politicians in Indiana come together to pass a law that stops police officers from telling lies to kids when they are trying to get them to confess. Damn. Anyway, enjoy.
"Too spiritual for pleasure"? Really?
![TIBETAN OFFICIAL SAYS THE DALAI LAMA IS TOO HOLY TO BE HORNY. The Dalai Lama apologized for telling a young boy to suck his tongue, and a high-ranking Tibetan official said that the holy leader is too spiritual to be affected by physical pleasures. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/7/895437.jpg)
Educational priorities.
![SCHOOLS FEAR MANGA WILL TURN KIDS INTO MURDERERS. Schools in Florida and Wisconsin have decided not to allow the manga series Assassination Classroom in their libraries, because they are worried that it might encourage students to kill their teachers. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/5/895435.jpg)
Jump Comics
Randomly throwing away money: not blessed, just silly.
![GUY THROWS AWAY $200K IN HOPES OF BLESSING STRANGERS. In April 2021, a guy in Oregon drove down the I-5 freeway and randomly threw out around $200,000 in cash, hoping to give it away to people and make them feel blessed. Incidentally, that left his family broke. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/8/895438.jpg)
"Terminator" fails to terminate service trench.
![ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER DIGS HIMSELF INTO A HOLE (LITERALLY). Schwarzenegger thought he was helping out by filling a pothole, but it turned out to be a service trench that was being worked on by SoCal Gas. Still, can't fault his civic instincts. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/2/895432.jpg)
Air National Guard member arrested.
![AIR NATIONAL GUARD MEMBER ARRESTED AFTER SOLICITING A HITMAN FROM A JOKE WEBSITE. A member of the Air National Guard was taken into custody and accused of trying to become a hitman through www.rentahitman.com. This website was made back in 2005 as a way to promote a cybersecurity business. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/6/895436.jpg)
"Natural spring" fail.
![19 MONTANANS THOUGHT THEY FOUND A NATURAL SPRING. 19 people in Montana got sick with diarrhea after drinking water from a concrete box that they thought was a natural spring, but it was actually just a creek that had a lot of bacteria in it. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/4/3/895443.jpg)
Sheriff Bilal: Greed over safety.
![SHERIFF'S PAY-RAISE- FOR-ME-AND-MY-FRIENDS PLAN BACKFIRED. FOX ... 29 I H PRAIT Sheriff Rochelle Bilal from Philadelphia tried to increase her salary to $285, 000, and used money that was supposed to go toward hiring deputies to give big pay rises to her executive team. Defund the police? CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/4/2/895442.jpg)
Tyger Williams/The Philadelphia Inquirer
Kid Rock: Hypocrite.
![pay HAPPY adidas RAPOT Ded 100% Coris alsa Happy - - SPORT Part TEATH ROV РАДДЕ CLUB KID ROCK: SUPPORTING TRANSPHOBIA, ONE SELTZER AT A TIME. Kid Rock recently advertised for Happy Dad seltzer, a company that has worked with Caitlyn Jenner before, even though he had spoken out against Bud Light for teaming up with Dylan Mulvaney, a transgender influencer and activist. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/9/895439.jpg)
Church gets away with child abuse.
![CRACKED LDS CHURCH GETS AWAY WITH NOT REPORTING CHILD SEX ABUSE. The Supreme Court in Arizona said that if someone confesses to a crime like child sex abuse in a religious setting, the LDS Church doesn't have to report it. This is because of something called the clergy-penitent privilege.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/4/0/895440.jpg)
Wrong car, wrong time: Deputy rewarded for fatal mistake.
![WRONG CAR, WRONG TIME: DEPUTY REWARDED FOR FATAL MISTAKE. PRIVATE In February 2022, a Colorado sheriff's office gave a deputy a purple heart medal after he shot and killed a man who had mistakenly tried to get into the wrong car. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/1/895431.jpg)
Waitress fired for bloody drinks.
![WAITRESS FIRED FOR SPICING UP DRINKS WITH HER OWN BLOOD. A cafe in Sapporo, Japan let go of a waitress, accusing her of putting her own blood into the drinks she served. No, we won't go for the obvious Bloody Mary joke - whoops, we just did, didn't we. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/4/895434.jpg)
Fulton County Jail: Where the Bugs Do You In.
![MAN DIES IN JAIL, ATTACKED BY BUGS. A man in Fulton County Jail was discovered dead in his cell after being attacked by bed bugs and other insects. That sounds like a medieval torture technique. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/3/3/895433.jpg)
Truth prevails in Indiana.
![REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS AGREED THAT COPS CAN'T LIE TO KIDS. In Indiana, both parties have come together to pass a law that stops police officers from telling lies to kids when they are trying to get them to confess. Finally, a twitch of life from bipartisanship. ДИ CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/4/4/1/895441.jpg)