13 Bizarre Headlines That Scrambled Our Cerebral Cortex, Sizzled Our Central Sulcus, And Juiced Our Pons For A Disgusting Cranial Brunch

13 Bizarre Headlines That Scrambled Our Cerebral Cortex, Sizzled Our Central Sulcus, And Juiced Our Pons For A Disgusting Cranial Brunch

Welcome to the world of headline news, where the truth is often stranger than fiction. Every day, we come across stories that make us question our view of reality and make us wonder if anything is really as it seems. From the bizarre to the mundane, these stories have the power to alter our perception of the world around us. 

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This list of thirteen headlines is no exception. From the tantrum thrown by a senator to the EPA's decision to put safety first, these stories show us how quickly the world can change and how our view of reality can be rearranged in an instant; from the misplacement of a prosthetic leg to the mowing of a giant penis into a "perfect lawn," they'll also probably leave you shaking your head in disbelief. 

So sit back, relax, and take a journey through these thirteen headlines that rearranged our view of reality. Who knows what you'll learn? Not us.

Senator Tuberville throws tantrum.

CRACKED SENATOR TUBERVILLE THREW A TANTRUM OVER ABORTION ACCESS IN ALABAMA. Senator Tommy Tuberville from Alabama put a stop to around 200 Defense Department nominations in March because he was mad about a rule that pays for military personnel to travel to states like Alabama for abortions.


Officers accused of breaking and entering.

CRACKED DETROIT COPS ACCUSED OF BREAKING, ENTERING, STEALING. Two Detroit police officers have been accused of breaking into a Detroit police officer's home and causing damage worth between $1,000 and $20,000, as well as stealing. BRIANNA CABANO DANYA SEARS


Sir Karl: Not the Duchess.

CRACKED SIR KARL JENKINS: NOT THE DUCHESS OF SUSSEX. Sir Karl Jenkins cleared up the gossip that he was actually the Duchess of Sussex in disguise at King Charles' coronation by posting on TikTok to say it wasn't true. Glad that's sorted out.


"Climate change" too controversial?

CRACKED CLIMATE CHANGE: TOO HOT TO HANDLE FOR UTAH. The Utah State Board of Education is scheduled to meet in May 2023 to decide if the words climate change are too controversial to be taught in elective high school classes, particularly in a meteorology class.

ABC / Axios 

"Good community works"?

CRACKED THIS GUY WANTS COMMUNITY SERVICE POINTS FOR HIS TIME LEADING THE OATH KEEPERS. Stewart Rhodes, head of the far-right Oath Keepers, has asked that time he spent leading the group be taken into account when deciding his potential 25-year prison sentence, bringing up the organization's history of helping the community.


Life begins at conception, according to Missouri.

CRACKED FETUSES HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS AS PEOPLE... ... AND CAN EVEN BE EMPLOYEES. The Missouri Department of Transportation tried to claim a fetus was an employee, so they wouldn't be on the hook for a wrongful death lawsuit (they're not liable for employee deaths in specific cases). The legal system is just wack sometimes.


Texas politicians: "War-ready third graders!"

CRACKED TEXAS LAWMAKERS WANT TO ARM THIRD GRADERS (WITH MEDICAL SUPPLIES). Two Democrats from the Texas House proposed a bill that would make sure third graders in public schools had access to medical supplies used by the US military in battle. How reassuring.


Florida: Irradiating the Future.

CRACKED RADIATION IS ALLOWED IN FLORIDA INFRASTRUCTURE. In May 2023, Florida legislators passed a law that allowed radioactive material to be used in the construction of roads in the state, even though conservation groups and the EPA were against it. Florida lives up to its rep once again.

WFTV / Florida Map 

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