Cracked Archive - Music

The 7 Most Impossible Rock Stars to Deal With

DMX is not in any way exaggerating when he describes being a bad, bad man in his songs.


5 Lovable Animals You Didn't Know Are Secretly Terrifying

Here are a bunch of adorable animals that will probably nonetheless scar you for life. Let's skip the pleasantries and get right down to hyperventilating and swearing at nature, shall we?


10 Survival Tips Now That Google Knows You're On To Them

Now that we\'ve sounded the \'Oh shit, run!!!\' alarm, allow us to tell you where you should be running, and what ammunition will be deemed fashionable once you arrive.


The 19 Most Hilariously Failed Attempts at Sexy Album Covers

Not every musician is suitable for the role of sexy cover model. Somehow, music producers missed that fact.


The 5 Most Famous Musicians Who Are Thieving Bastards

We know musicians 'borrow' music all the time, but this is flat ridiculous.


Fastfood Meals for Failures

These are terrible meals invented by awful people who hate you, and they're perfect for anytime it dawns on you that the entirety of human existence is just an insignificant sneeze on the spectrum of time. And I have had every one of them.


6 Reasons Facebook 'Likes' are the Beginning of the End

Haven\'t you heard? Facebook is taking over the world, and anything different you find on your homepage do is irrefutable proof.


8 Horrifying Uses of Branding (Feat. Hello Kitty Pads)

While I understand licensing your trademark for general use to be plastered over any and all products is a good way to make money and makes fans of your trademark happy, I like to think there should be some kind of non-godawful way to go about that.


So You Forgot to File Taxes: Options Other Than Death

So tax day's come and gone and by right about halfway through this sentence or so, some of you will have realized you completely forgot to file your taxes for the year.


Alien Invasion As Documented by the Internet: 7 Screencaps

Day 1: Mysterious Meteorite Disappears (Odd Stuff section of Digg).


Think Your Job Sucks? Steven Seagal Sued by His Sex Slave

Steven Seagal is being sued for allegedly keeping and choking sex slaves.


Tales To Tell 'Round Midnight: Flight Of The Witchmonster Dragon's Head

It's like if... something and... something else... were combined... to make a third thing?


A Pledge to Conan From the Fans Who Got Him Into This Mess

Somewhere in the bundle of shame-amnesia that was early adulthood, I also forgot about Conan. Oh, I knew he existed, and I would speak fondly about his show if somebody brought it up. But I didn\'t watch it; not for years. Much as motherfuckers did with Dre, most of us forgot about Conan.


Editing Your Comment Spam for Optimal Porn Delivery

If I\'m going to go to all this effort to amaze/gravely irritate people, I\'ll be damned if I\'m going to let some amateur balls up my comments section with their hastily written endorsements for meeting tall women.


The 6 Most Baffling Video Genres on YouTube

There are millions of videos on YouTube, but if you look closely (and I wouldn\'t recommend it) you'll notice there are only like twenty different types of them.